This Girl's Life
by volcomfar
Summary: The story of how one person changed her life.
1. Chapter one

A/N:  Before you begin this story, A few notes.  Disregard everything true to the show except for Clark's powers.  Also this story is told through Lana's point of view (italicized fonts being her thoughts, similar to shows like My So Called Life, or Felicity.)

_I guess everyone has had a time in their life where they were observers. Where they are on the outside looking in. But for me, it wasn't every now and then, it was all the time. My life compared to living in a museum I guess you could say. Always peeking through glass cases, trying to understand things I have never known. Sometimes I see other people's lives as a secret that I wasn't let in on. Like they knew something to make it exceptionally better. Then there I was, on my tiptoes, searching for that something through a glass wall. But one day it all changed. One day I was let in on one person's secret. Suddenly I was inside that glass case.   
  
But now I'm getting ahead of myself. You don't even know my name yet. Which is Lana Lang, and it might actually be the only unique thing about my life considering I've never met another Lana before. But the reason for that is probably because I have lived in the same quiet Kansas town my whole life. It's called Smallville and don't worry I assure you that you're not the only one who's never heard of it before. Anyway, I'm 16 and I'm nearing the end of my sophomore year at Smallville High. There's the subject of my family, which I don't like to talk about, and usually don't have to because most people know the story already. But for those of you that don't know, almost 11 years ago my parents were killed by a meteor shower, leaving me in the care of my mom's sister Nell. Forgive me for not going into greater detail but I've never been open about it.   
  
Anyway, back to high school. From what I can tell, there are two categories that people fall into when it comes to feelings on high school: the people who love it and the people who hate it. And, of course as you probably can already tell, I am in the latter group. But I guess that's unfair of me. I really can't hate something I don't really know anything about. Sure I know the education aspect of it. I go to all of my classes, and do well in all of them. But when it comes to everything else about it, I'm lost. For most kids, high school consists of passing notes, laughing about the party they went to that weekend, or gushing to their friends about how the boy they liked actually talked to them. I on the other hand really don't have anyone to write notes to, have never been to a party, and never really talk to boys because what's the point. My aunt says I'm beautiful but don't all relatives say that. I think it's like in the rules for being a good guardian. But honestly when I look in the mirror all I see is a short plain girl.  
  
Before you pity me and think I'm a depressed teenager who wears black all the time, you shouldn't. To begin with, my wardrobe centers around pastels, especially pink, since it is my favorite color. And besides that I'm content with my life. I have the world's best friend who I've known since basically birth. Her name is Catherine, but I call her Cat and I don't know what I'd do without her. My after school activities consist of working at my aunt's flower shop. I say it's for the money and to help her, but when it comes down to it, I actually have nothing better to do. And to be honest, I enjoy being there and meeting all types of people. Quite surprisingly I've seen many walks of life come through the store. I guess everyone likes flowers. And when it comes to school, I like doing well. I'm driven to succeed, get a scholarship, and leave behind this town of small minds. And I'll admit the fact that I'm not the most popular girl in school has made it easier to do that. I'll admit it's probably the reason I am the way I am.   
  
I observe life more than live it. I guess you could call me an introvert and I find refuge in books. I do really like to read, honest. I don't just use a book to hide my face. Well that's not the whole truth. There are a few times I find a book enjoyable for alternative reasons than the beauty of the English language. Every now and then I'll use the perfect hiding spot of my book cover to watch a certain someone.  
  
His name is Clark Kent, and most of you have probably met a guy like him once in your life. You know in all those teen movies how there is that one popular guy who is good at literally EVERYTHING. He's good looking, the best athlete, and the smartest kid in school. And the only difference between Clark and most of those guys, is that he is actually nice. No, he's beyond that. He's amazing. Actually we've only spoken once, and that was when we were paired together to check our algebra homework. Pathetically I savor the only non-algebraic sentence he said: "Wow you're really good at this." And that sums up my relationship with Clark. Even though we've gone to school together for almost 10 years, we don't really know each other. I bet he doesn't even know my name, which isn't because he's stuck up, or snobby. When everyone wants to be apart of your life, I imagine it would be hard to keep track of them all. But even though we aren't close, I still know who he is. Clark Kent is the kind of guy who's the first to open a door for a teacher. He's one of those kids that smiles and says hi to everyone, regardless if he knows them or not. And I guess you could say my crush, actually obsession as Cat so lovingly calls it, on Clark is the only typical thing in my teenage life. But that's all it was, a crush. Until one day when everything changed.  
  
I never understood what people meant when they said their life had been divided. That something had happened to them, which produced a line right in the middle of their life. And now everything was defined by what happened before that moment and after. But that day when I accidentally saw Clark Kent in a way that no one else had, I not only knew what those people meant by that "line", but I knew I was crossing it.  
  
This is the story of my line._

****


	2. Chapter two

**A/N**: From this point on the story will be told from the first person, through Lana.  The italicized fonts are her thoughts (Similar to voice overs on shows like My So Called Life, Wonder Years, or Felicity).

BEEP BEEP BEEP  
  
_I bet if there were a nationwide poll of the most dreaded sounds in the world, an alarm clock would rank in the top 5. Honestly, whoever created that wretched sound is evil._  
  
With my face down on my pillow, I slowly remove my hand from beneath it and plop it down on my bedside table. While knocking over numerous items, my hand wanders the table for the off button. You'd think by now I'd know where it is, but of course I don't.  
  
BEEP BEEP BEEP  
  
_OH my god._  
  
I fling my body upwards and remove the numerous strands of hair in my face while finally granting the room and myself some peace and quiet. And, naturally once I've done this, I fall back on to my bed, my eyes closing once more. I'm almost asleep again, when a voice snaps me out of my close to slumber.  
  
"Lana…you really should get up!" Nell is mostly a soft spoken woman, but she can yell with the best of them.  
  
"I am!" I shout back, still in the same position with my eyes closed.  
  
As I expect it to, my bedroom door opens.   
  
I lift my body from bed and say, "Ok…ok, I'm getting up.".  
  
"Thank you." Nell says, as if claiming victory, while she closes the door.  
  
_I swear parents know everything. I think when you reach parental status you're given a sixth sense of psychic abilities._  
  
I go through my morning routine. As always, I take a 10 minute shower. And when I return to my room I pick out a pair of simple blue jeans and a plain button down long sleeved shirt. For breakfast I have the same thing I have every morning, a bowl of honey nut cheerios. And as I run out the door to meet the bus, I tie my hair back in to a low ponytail.  
  
_I know what you're thinking, and I agree. I could be like the most boring girl on the planet._  
  
When the bus doors open, I get that same feeling in my stomach as every morning. A fear of nowhere to sit. Which is completely ridiculous considering Cat saves me a seat everyday. But the fear of her not being there. The fear of walking up those steps, searching for her familiar face, and not seeing it. These fears haunt me everyday. For the 5 seconds it takes me to walk up those few steps, I hold my breath. And when I reach the platform of the aisle, I hold it until I find her face.   
  
"Lana…over here!"  
  
_Ok breathe…_  
  
I walk down the aisle and plop myself down next to her.   
  
With papers scattered all over her lap, Cat frantically searches through the pages of her textbook and asks, "Did you do those questions on To Kill A Mockingbird?"   
  
_It's always been a mystery as to how we became friends, since we are direct opposites. But then maybe that's the reason we're so close. That might be the reason we've never seriously fought...ever._  
  
"Yeah…" I reply as I look around the bus.  
  
"I don't even know why I asked…you know I really need to get like one of those…one of those…crap…those things you write stuff down in…help me out here…" As she focus's downwards she snaps her fingers at me.  
  
I'm still not paying attention to her as I continue to scan the faces of the passengers and reply absentmindedly "Oh…like an organizer."   
  
"That's it! I can't believe I couldn't remember that…you see that is exactly why I need one." She finally turns to me and laughs, "you know you can stop looking…he's not here."  
  
_Damn_  
  
"Cat…I wasn't…" I stop and try to sound convincing "…looking…for anyone."   
  
"Lana…this is me. We basically share a brain."  
  
"I know…unfortunately." I look to her and laugh, but really I'm waiting for her to give me what I'm searching for.  
  
"Since I'm sure you're wondering…with the pep rally today, I'm guessing his jocko friends picked him up." Cat goes back to looking through her book. I watch her stressing over 5 simple questions for a little longer, before I pull my bag over my shoulder and remove my notebook.  
  
"Here…" I drop it in her lap, and she looks at me as if I've given her gold.   
  
"Oh Lana…I couldn't…." She stops for a moment and looks at the notebook and then continues "Well…I mean if you don't care." She looks at me knowing my answer.  
  
"Just take it….it took me like 5 minutes." I roll my eyes as she throws her arms around me.  
  
"Thank you…thank you….thank you." She finally lets go of me and frantically starts copying my paper.  
  
_Some might think that letting her copy my homework is wrong, but when you've been friends with someone for as long as Cat and I, it's only right._  
  
As our bus barrels into the school driveway, I'm excited for the day. I forgot about the pep rally. It's so embarrassing that I'm actually looking forward to it. But really it's only the fall season pep rallies that I like.   
  
_Alright, I confess. I like the fall pep rallies because Clark only plays football. Now before you think it's impossible for one person to make a pep rally enjoyable, then I'd tell you guess again. Because you've never seen Clark Kent in a football jersey before. It could be one of the best worn uniforms ever._   
  
As we step off the bus stairs, Cat hands me homework and points with her other hand, "Hey Lana...you can stop fantasizing, there he is."   
  
_Ok when did best friends pick up the psychic talents. I thought it was reserved for parents. Is anywhere safe?_  
  
I quickly pull her arm down and look both ways. "Cat…is it like your mission to embarrass me?" I continue to search nervously for anyone who saw or heard her, while Cat laughs.  
  
"I'm sorry Lana…look nobody pays attention to me. But really, I don't see what you see in him. He's just like the rest of them." She says as she looks at him, and I follow her stare. He's in front of the school with a bunch of other football players. While the rest of them pretend to wrestle, and cause a scene, he quietly sits on one of the ledges that surrounds the stairs. He just sits there and watches everyone around him.  
  
_I swear every time I look at Clark, it's like seeing him for the first time. Everyday I notice something new about him, and I wonder how anybody could not fall in love with him. As I see him laughing, I notice that, his nose crinkles a little, which I've been told mine does as well. It must be a sign. _  
  
"Cat…there's more to him then you give him credit for." I say as she continues to walk, but I stay put, admiring him. She comes back and grabs my arm.   
  
"Oh yeah…indulge me." She says as she pulls me along to walk with her.  
  
"I can't explain it…I just know." I mindlessly reply as I drift off into my own thoughts. I become so lost in my thoughts that I don't even notice the football players invading the space before the school entrance.  
  
_Ouch_  
  
I look before me only to see a blinding number 7. I feel two strong hands softly set on my shoulders as suddenly that all too familiar face lowers to meet mine.  
  
"I'm so sorry…are you ok?"   
  
_I'm in heaven actually_  
  
"Yeah…I think so." It takes me a minute to process what's happened, but I finally realize that Clark and I have bumped into each other. He looks back at his friends and then turns back to me. I don't know if he realizes it, but his one hand is rubbing my shoulder.  
  
"Well my friends are sorry too…are you sure you don't need anything?"  
  
_Well now that you mention it…_  
  
"Oh yeah…I'm fine really." I wave my hand as if shrugging it off, but it's really to cool myself off. Just being near him is overwhelming.  
  
"Ok…" He stops to look me in the eye, making me feel like I could just melt, as he continues, "…you're the boss."  
  
"Kent…come on…let's go." His friend's shouts cause him to quickly retract his hands from my shoulders.   
  
"I should probably go…but maybe I'll see you in the stands tonight."   
  
Before I can say anything, He runs to catch up with his friends. I see them playfully punch his arm, and it looks like they are teasing him.  
  
"Lana…he was totally flirting with you!" Cat stands next to me.  
  
"Shut up…" I roll my eyes and start walking up the stairs.  
  
"You know what you really need?" She says as she catches up to me.  
  
"No but I'm sure you're going to tell me."   
  
Cat stops me in the middle of the busy hallway, "Self-confidance. Lana, I hope one of these days you realize how lucky Clark or any other guy for that matter, would be to have you."   
  
"You're a good friend for saying that." I say disregarding her as I reach my locker.   
  
"No...I'm an honest friend for saying that." Cat says and walks away.   
  
_She always has to have the last word. And I know she's right about the self confidance thing. But about Clark, the guy is a walking Charm Machine. So I know what happened back there was just Clark being himself. However, he can bump into me any morning of the week. I could definatley add that to my morning routine_  
  
I shake my head and laugh to myself in the middle of the hallway.  
  
_I am so wierd._  
  



	3. Chapter three

_It's almost disturbing how routine each of my classes are. How everyday I know exactly what is going to happen. Take for instance, the one I'm in right now. History. If I turn around and look in the back left corner I bet I'll find that one boy who wears the same hoody sweatshirt everyday, with his face sideways on the desk, his arms surrounding his head._   
  
I turn around and find whatever his name is, hood up, looking like he's been in that positing for awhile.  
  
_It never fails. And any minute now Mrs. Campbell is going to stop teaching to take attendance because everyday she forgets to take it in the beginning of class._  
  
"Oh…I almost forgot…" Mrs. Campbell walks over to her desk and pulls a green book out of one its drawers. "…Let me just take attendance quickly."  
  
_Right on cue. And since there is only 10 minutes left in class, __Clark__ is going to get up from his desk soon and make up some excuse to leave class. It's always a lame one but somehow he can pull it off, of course._  
  
Suddenly, Clark stands from his desk and slowly walks towards the door "Mrs. Campbell, I hate to leave your wonderful class, but since the pep rally is in 10 minutes, and I'm playing in the –"   
  
Mrs. Campbell, still flipping through pages of the attendance book, waves him off. "Of course Mr. Kent…go on." I watch Clark smile as he leaves the classroom. A slight cockiness taking over his stride.  
  
_Football players are like gods in my school. They can do whatever they want really. And since __Clark__ is the quarterback, he is the top god. Every class that I've ever had with __Clark__, which is 4 by the way, he always leaves in the last ten minutes.  
  
Maybe it's more disturbing that I actually know __Clark__'s routine._  
  
All of us begin to pack up our stuff, because we know the class is over. Not technically, the bell would signal the class ending. But it's over because we know it takes this woman forever to accomplish the simple task of calling out names and putting a check next to it, and she has never actually finished before the bell. It's become a sort of silent agreement between the class and Mrs. Campbell, that once your name has been called, you are dismissed. Well I guess it's not so much as an agreement, as an understanding.   
  
_Sometimes I feel bad for her, that we do this. That we just walk out, regardless of what she has planned. I mean she is a nice woman, and she's just trying to get it all figured out. And I guess it must be stressful to have 30 loud kids who don't listen to you. Maybe I'll actually stay till the end of class today._  
  
"Lana Lang?" Mrs. Campbell quickly pushes her glasses back up her nose while she searches the room.  
  
"Here." I get up and throw my one strap bag over my shoulder, so it rests around my neck and head towards the door.  
  
_Well I never said I would…I just said I might._   
  
As I throw my books in my locker, the final bell goes off, sending swarms of kids to pile out of every door down the hallway. I quickly make my way to the gym, even though I know I already have a seat. Cat has gym last period and she vowed she'd get us a front row spot. As I squeeze through the thickening crowd, I see my seat sticking out like a soar thumb because It's right in the front row of the already almost full bleachers.   
  
Cat pats the seat next to her, "Don't worry I took notes of everything that you've missed so far." I laugh and take a seat next to her.  
  
"Ha ha…very funny." Waiting for her to respond, I look around the gym for him.  
  
"You wanna know don't you?" Cat begins laughing and I cringe as I look at her.  
  
"Is it that obvious?"  
  
"Well…" She stretches out the word and turns her head slightly, something she always does when she's about to be honest with me, "…yes."  
  
  
I put my hands over my eyes and lower my head. "What is wrong with me? I wonder if there is a term for this." Cat puts her arm around me, and laughs. "There is. It's called an obsession." She starts laughing and I join in. It looks like someone's caught her attention, and her face falls as she continues more seriously, "I wouldn't worry though, you're not the only one."   
I turn my head slowly to see what she's looking at, and find Chloe entering the gym.  
  
_Oh. _  
  
"She's so annoying." Cat says dismissively as she shakes her head, signaling the end of that discussion.  
  
_I guess I should fill you in. You see before high school, Chloe, Cat, and I were inseparable. Basically I was wedged between the two, with both of them attached to either one of my hips. And there was never a third wheel. But all of that changed the minute we walked through Smallville High's doors, literally. It was as if we weren't good enough, and suddenly she thought she needed something better. So she completely changed. Her dreams of being a journalist tossed out the door for a cheerleading uniform. And it was all for a guy. A Clark Kent to be exact. I'm sorry but no matter how much I cherish that man, he is so not worth changing myself for. No guy is. I hate seeing girls who try so hard to be someone their not just for some boy. I instantly lose any respect for them, and Chloe is no exception. But the saddest part is she and __Clark__ aren't even together. Everyone in school knows that she just clings on to him, and follows him everywhere. And everyone knows he's just too nice to tell her to leave him alone.   
  
So that's the story of Chloe. She dropped me and Cat, her closest friends, for the cool kids, __Clark__Kent__, and a cheerleading uniform. And the fact that I've watched her completely change, has made me realize that it wasn't Cat or I who wasn't good enough, but it was herself. And that's really the saddest part._

The cheerleader's walk on the outside of the gym, and of course, Chloe is on our side. As she nears us, I can tell she's contemplating whether she should say hi or not.  
  
_It's so strange how this happens. How this person who used to tell me everything, now can't decide if she should simply say hello to me. How this person I used to know like the back of my hand, is now a stranger.   
  
When you think about it, it's actually really sad._   
  
"Hi" I say plainly as she almost passes us.  
  
She looks over at me, and in the same tone replies, "Hey."  
  
_But what's even stranger is I can still read her. I can still tell what she's thinking. And although she only said one word to me, I can tell she's nervous for the pep rally. I guess when you've experienced so much with someone and seen them in ways that no one else has, you never really stop knowing them._  
  
"Why do you still talk to her?" Cat shakes her head and looks at me.  
  
"I don't know." I look back out towards the gym.  
  
"Well she doesn't deserve it."  
  
_Cat hasn't forgiven her yet, which I haven't either. The difference is I've let it go. It's not that Cat holds grudges; it's just that she really values friendship. And when it comes down to it, she's still really hurt._  
  
Suddenly the opening chords of that "Louie, Louie" song fills the gym, and I feel myself becoming more giddy by the second.   
  
"I'm having serious doubts as to whether our band actually practices?" Cat looks towards the band perplexed.  
  
"Why? They sound pretty good to me." I say as I watch the outside entrance to the gym, waiting.  
  
She looks at them for a moment before continuing seriously, "No, they're great, it's just they play like the same 5 songs."   
  
I laugh at how she's really thinking about this topic, as the cheerleaders start running across the gym in a criss cross pattern. They eventually run towards the outside entrance and form a tunnel with their bodies and diagonally raised pom poms. As they start shouting Cat suddenly stands up.  
  
"I'm sorry I can't stay here…I know you love these things but I can't stand them." I quickly stand up and put my hand on her arm, stopping her from leaving.  
  
"Cat –"  
  
Suddenly the double doors swing open and like a vision Clark runs through them. The rest of the team follows him out the doors, but as always, I only see him.   
  
"Oh great…" Cat heavily sits back down, "Now I've lost you."  
  
Everyone stands and starts to cheer and clap but I just stand there watching in awe. They run through the makeshift tunnel and split in half, lining up on either side of the gym.   
  
_I can't believe it. He's going to be standing on my side._  
  
Half of the guys begin to line up on the court, about 20 feet in front of us. Suddenly Clark jogs out of the formation  
  
_Why is he coming towards me?_  
  
Clark stops just before us, and kind of leans in while he says "Hey…Lana, right?"  
  
_Yes….say yes_  
  
I slowly nod my head.  
  
"I thought so…" He stops and give me a to die for smile "I'm sorry again for earlier today, how are you feeling?"   
  
_Say good…great. Christmas say something._  
  
I feel Cat kick my foot, but I still don't speak. It's like I've forgotten how.  
  
"Well to be honest Clark…she's been a little out of it all day."   
  
_Cat, If I could talk right now I'd thank you profusely._  
  
"I see…" He puts his hand on my shoulder, "well I hope you feel better, and for selfish reasons, make it to the game."  
  
"Oh…" There's my voice, finally, "…I'll defin-"  
  
"Ladies and Gentleman…I present to you the Crowwwwwsssss!"  
  
_Damn you announcer._  
  
Clark makes the most adorable face while he points his thumb behind him "I should probably get back there, huh."  
  
"Yeah…probably."  
  
_Sure not the most sexy thing I could've gone with, but it's a step up from the nod._  
  
Clark starts backing away, and yells over the crowd, "Well maybe I'll see you later…Lana."  
  
As I watch him return to his position, I feel Cat pull me down to my seat. I just look ahead while Cat's voice becomes farther away. I hear her talking, but I don't understand what she's saying.  
  
_Don't get excited. So he talked to you twice today. So what if that never happens. Don't get excited. He was just being nice, it doesn't go beyond that. You Are Not Excited.  
  
What the hell am I talking about? I'm about to burst._


	4. Chapter four

"Thank you very much." I say while handing a bouquet of flowers to the customer. I look out towards the window for a while and back again.  
  
_Why is he still here? And why is he looking at me like that?_  
  
"Have a good day…" I drag it out trying to figure out what he wants.  
  
"Aren't you forgetting something?" He looks at me, and I can see he's growing impatient.  
  
_What the hell is he talking about?_  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"My change? I gave you a 50."  
  
_Shit_  
  
"Oh right…right, I'm so sorry."   I quickly fumble for the register, and try to figure out what to give him.   
  
As I give him his money I politely reply, "Here you go…"  His face is still slightly peeved so I continue, "…sorry about that"  Still no change, "…again."   
  
But he doesn't say anything. He just takes his money and leaves. As I watch him go, my eye catches the clock hanging above the door.  
  
_Why? Why did I have to see that It's only four. I could've sworn it was __3:50__ the last time I checked the clock like an hour ago. Ok fine...it was probably ten minutes ago. They say time flies when you're having fun, but when you're waiting to do something fun, time seems to go backwards. I've checked the clock like 10 times since I got here, and I've only been here about an hour. I couldn't tell you what else happened at the pep rally because I wasn't even paying attention. __Clark__ made some wonderful speech about victory and school pride…blah blah blah. Not that he's blah, of course he's not, but oddly, I really am not into all the school pride and winning the big game. But of course at seven tonight I will be the first one in the stands ready to watch it. Well if seven ever comes. Ok I'm not going to look at the clock again for a really long time.  
  
Don't look…don't look…don't-  
  
4:03. Ok this day is definitely going to be the longest day ever.  
  
"Lana…I have a delivery for you to make." Nell comes over to the counter and places a small bouquet in front of me.  
  
_Thank God.  This will definitely make time go by…yeah, definitely._  
  
"And I think you'll be pleased to see where you're delivering it to." Nell says as she unnecessarily touches up the bouquet for what's probably the millionth time.   
  
I give her a strange look, "What?"  
  
She continues to play with the arrangement as she says, "Well why don't you look at the address."  
  
I slowly take out the card and feel my heart skip a beat when I see the name "Clark Kent" staring back at me. I'm not aware of the huge smile that has formed on my face until I hear Nell.  
  
"If you hurry you can probably catch him before he leaves for the game." Her voice is excited.  
  
_I guess some people think it's cool when parents act like your friend. But for me it's only unnerving._  
  
"Whatever…" I say trying to sound indifferent. Nell looks at me knowingly. "Well I'll be in the back, taking inventory, but I'd like it if you could deliver that as soon as possible."  She walks to the back.  I look down at the flowers and wait till I hear her close the door before I run out the front.  
  
The usually 10 minute drive to his house seems to take forever.  _

_You see it's that time thing again…_

I reach his dirt driveway, and see the wooden sign "Kent Farm" swaying back and forth.    
  
_Cool Lana…act cool._  
  
I put the car in park, and slowly get out. I hesitantly make my way up the stairs, and feel my legs going numb.  
  
_It's unbelievable how a person can have this affect on me. Especially considering he doesn't even know me.  
_  
I don't even realize I've knocked on the door until Clark appears behind it.  
  
"Lana…to what do I owe the extreme pleasure?" He squints his eyes slightly, but his killer smile remains on his face.  
_  
Why do you always have to look so sexy?_  
  
"Oh um…I work at the flower shop downtown. Nell's Flowers." I don't even know I've said it because I'm enjoying this opportunity to admire him.  
  
"Well that's…" He looks down for a minute, I can tell he's thinking of something to say, "…impressive." He looks back up to me.  
  
"Yeah it's alright." I still have absolutely no clue what I'm saying. Clark crosses his arms and sort of widens his eyes.  

I don't know what he's looking at. "What?"

He looks below my face and sort of nods, "Are those for me or do you just like to carry around flowers?"  
  
I laugh nervously, "Oh no no…they're for you."  
  
_Could I be any more lame?_  
  
I throw the bouquet towards him, and quickly turn to leave but his voice makes me stop.  
  
"Hey you want to come in for a minute?" I slowly turn around to make sure he really said it.  
  
My face must look awful, because his smile quickly diminishes  
  
"I mean you don't have to…I just-"  
  
_Lana say something…Yes…say yes_  
  
"YES!"  
  
_Oh my god, did I really just shout that._  
  
He looks at me, clearly taken aback, and then starts to laugh. "Well great then. Come on in." He stands to the side and motions for me to go in first. As I walk by him, I try not to look mortified from my outburst. I walk further into his house and I can feel him closely behind me.  
  
_I have only been in his house one other time. It was in first grade when he had a birthday party. It was one of those things where every kid in class was invited. But of course I didn't know that then, and felt special to be invited.  
  
_

_Everything in his house was the same.  
_  
"Can I get you a drink or something?" Clark walks around me as I realize we've walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Um…" I look around and ponder the question. As I continue to think, I can see him looking at me oddly.  
  
_This is not a hard question._  
  
"Well..." I feel my face is scrunching into serious contemplation.  
  
_What is wrong with you, do you want a drink or not?_  
  
"Lana it's ok if you don't want anything."  From across the counter, Clark has moved his face to be in front of mine. I quickly realize this and take a step back, while I let out a laugh.  
  
"Oh yeah I'm fine…thank you though." He starts laughing. I think it's because of the way I'm acting. I start laughing too, just to make this awful embarrassing feeling in my stomach go away.  
  
"So are you going to come to the game tonight?" He asks while he walks to the fridge. He takes out a bottled water.  
  
"Of course…I only go to every single one."   
  
_Ok first you can't talk…and now you say too much._  
  
"Well it's a pleasure to finally meet you." Clark says as he walks towards me and extends his hand. Even though I have no clue what he's talking about, I seize the opportunity of physical contact with him and shake his hand.  
  
_I am like so low._  
  
I look at him confused, "I'm not following you." He starts laughing and lets go of my hand.  
  
_Aw man_  
  
"I think I've met my biggest fan…I've always wanted to talk to you." He smiles widely and I think I might die right there.  
  
_For once could you not be so perfect…well no I really don't mean that._  
  
"Well I never said I go to see you…" I give him a playful look.  
  
_Am I…I think…Yes, yes I am flirting._  
  
"Oh…I see I was completely mistaken. You go because you love the game." He smirks at me while he goes to the flowers and takes the card out.  
  
"Exactly." I say returning his smirk.  
  
_Ok now I must really be crazy because I actually think he's flirting back._  
  
I watch him remove the card from the envelope and see his face become perplexed. He begins to read what it says.  
  
"Dear Clark, We wish you the best of luck in the game tonight. The Parkers."  
  
"Wait…someone actually sent you flowers for a football game?" I ask in disbelief as I walk over to him. I lean over him slightly, so I can read the card.  
  
_I'll do anything to touch him.  I really am an awful person._  
  
"Yeah." He says still looking at the card, but he doesn't seem to notice that I'm practically on top of him. He moves away while still looking at the card.   
  
As I sadly watch him leave, I say "I can't believe you got flowers for a stupid football game. That is so weird." I start shaking my head while laughing as he stops by the counter and looks back at me.  
  
"Yeah…and even weirder…"He looks at me seriously for a moment "who the hell are the Parkers?"   
  
We both begin to hysterically laugh.  
  
_I could do this forever…not laughing, well I actually could laugh forever. I love it. But this, be around him. Spending time with him. This is actually like the first time I ever have had a conversation with him and it's  better then I could ever imagine.  
_  
_And then he did the sigh. You know the "Oh well...that was fun but you should go now."  Sigh._  
  
"Well…this was fun."  
  
_You see...I knew it._  
  
He starts to look around, "Hey do you know what time it is by any chance?"  
  
I reply a bit too quickly, "Oh yeah sure!" 

_Calm down…_

I throw out my hand and pull up my sleeve, while I shake my arm to adjust my watch.  
  
"Oh wow…it's almost quarter of." I say in genuine shock and I see his face morph into surprise.  
  
"Quarter of what…five?!" He seems to becoming slightly nervous.  
  
"Yeah…why what's wrong?" I say cautiously. He now seems panicked and he walks away from me.  
  
"I have to be at the school at quarter of…the bus is leaving in like 10 minutes." I look at him confused.  
  
_Bus? Oh right…game…the one thing I've been looking forward to all day._  
  
"I can give you a ride if you want." My face suddenly becomes shocked from my offering.  
  
_Where the hell did this confidence come from?_   
  
Clark looks at me for a moment, he seems to be calming down slightly. "Oh no…I'll be fine. Thank you though."  
  
I look at him sincerely, "Oh yeah no problem. Well I'll let you get ready…or whatever. But good luck in the game tonight." I walk to the kitchen door as he comes over and opens it before I can.  
  
"I'm sorry that I'm basically kicking you out." He says as he leans on the door.  
  
"Oh…no harm no foul."  
  
_Ok seriously, what was that? 'No harm no foul.'_  
  
But he doesn't seem to care as he begins to laugh. "Well I'll see you at the game then."  
  
"Yeah…definitely." I nod slightly and he smiles, "Bye Lana."  
  
"Bye Clark" I say as I walk out the door. I walk down his back stairs and as soon as I hear the door close, my face breaks into what I think might be the hugest smile ever. __


	5. Chapter five

As I get to my car door, I open my bag and search for my keys.  
  
_Where are they?_  
  
I put my bag back over my shoulder and feel the outsides of my pockets. Even though I don't feel them, I shove my hands into my jean pockets for them anyway.  
  
_Oh god…why can't I have a memory? Do I have to forget things everywhere?_  
  
Realizing where I left them, I turn and head for his door again. I knock lightly. But there's no answer. I knock louder, but he still doesn't get the door. I stand there and contemplate what I should do. I know I left them right on the kitchen counter which is probably no more then 15 feet from where I'm standing right now.   
  
_It would seriously take me maybe 10 seconds to run in and out. Hmm…_  
  
I roll my eyes at how ridiculous I'm being and finally just open the door. As I slowly open it I look every which way before entering. The house is strangely quiet, like no one is there. I stand in the doorway searching for my keys. Finally I spot them just where I thought they'd be. I walk over to the counter and grab them, but as I turn to leave something stops me.   
  
_Holy shit._  
  
The only thing I feel next is the floor, and the only thing I see is blackness.  
  
  
* * * *  
  
_I hear someone calling my name but I can't respond._  
  
"Lana!!"  
  
_Now this person is lightly smacking my face..._  
  
"Oh my god…Oh my god. Lana wake up!"  
  
_I'm trying..._  
  
In the distance I can hear water running and hurried footsteps. I can almost feel this person right on top of me.   
  
_Oh my god…I'm awake now..._  
  
My eyes open quickly and suddenly I feel the cool air setting in on my wet face. I blink repeatedly as I slowly sit up and try to remember what happened. I suddenly feel a hand on my back and a soft voice.  
  
"Lana…are you ok?" I turn to see a wide eyed Clark, holding a now empty cup. The expression on his face is indescribable. And finally the missing pieces of what happened before starts filling in.   
  
_I remember walking back into the house. I remember grabbing my keys from the counter. And I remember turning from the counter and seeing this…this streak. I don't know how to describe it. It was this motion of color. Like this object that was moving faster then I've ever seen something move. And then it suddenly stopped in the entrance to the kitchen. The object stopped and looked at me like it had seen a ghost. And that's when I collapsed. Because what I saw in front of me was __Clark__._  
  
I quickly jump to my feet and move away from him.  
  
"Lana…" He moves closer to me with his arms slightly stretched forward, but I continue to move away from him. I can't even think.   
  
"What the hell did I just see?" My voice is a whisper and I keep my back to him. I can't look at him. For the first time in my life, I don't even want to see him.  
  
"Oh boy…" Clark takes a deep breath and looks down.  
  
I turn around, "That's it? Oh boy?! That's your explanation." I'm yelling now.   
  
_I think the reality of it all is starting to hit me._  
  
"Look Lana…what you saw…" He stops and closes his eyes. I don't know why, but seeing him like this. Seeing him this vunerable, calms me down slightly.  
  
I look at him and tentatively ask, "Who…" I stop not wanting to continue, but slowly begin again, "What… are you?"   
  
He finally opens his eyes and stares at me. "This is hard to explain, But…um…Lana…I'm –"  
  
Suddenly the door opens and we hear a loud voice "Kent…Come on Coach is going to kill-"  
  
We both turn towards the back door and find one of the football players staring at us confused.  
  
"Ohh isn't this cute....So this is why you're running real late." He starts laughing as Clark runs over to him and says seriously "Shut up Kevin…"   
  
His friend quickly stops laughing and looks at him angered. "Jesus Kent…relax, I'm doing you a favor. Coach is seriously pissed and told me to get you."  
  
Clark lets go of his friend, I didn't even notice he had grabbed him in the first place.   
  
_I can't even imagine what I must look like right now. My face being completely wet and -   
Ok seriously with everything that just happened, this shouldn't be your first concern._  
  
Clark seems to have calmed down slightly, "I'm sorry man…thank you for getting me, but um can you give me a minute?"   
  
"Kent…you don't have a minute we gotta go now!" Kevin exclaims and looks at him shocked.  
  
"OK…I'll be right out." Clark says, anger returning to his voice.  
  
"Fine…but if you're not in my car in one minute you can find your own way there." And with that Kevin slams the door.  
  
Clark turns to me while he throws his hands over his face. He harshly rubs his eyes and exclaims more towards himself, "Dammit..." he begins walking, "…dammit…dammit."   
  
_I've never seen him angry before. It's surreal._  
  
I just stand there, I have no clue what to say. No clue what to do. I'm still processing everything that's happened. Finally he stops and looks at me.  
  
"Ok…I really have to go, but we really need to talk." He looks lost as he moves towards me. I don't even realize it but I move away from him.   
  
"Lana…I'm not going to hurt you." His face becomes sad and shocked all at once.  
  
_I know he wouldn't hurt me, but suddenly I'm afraid of him. I have no clue who or what he is anymore. And for some awful reason, I'm mad at him for ruining my image of him. That's he's taken it away._  
  
"Look…please come to the game so we can talk after it."   
  
I look at him with anger I never knew I could have. Finally I nod.  
  
_It's unsettling how much I don't want to see him, yet at the same time need to._  
  
He walks to the door, then stops and turns back to me.   
  
_His face is just so sad._   
  
"And please Lana…" He closes his eyes. "you can't say anything about this…to anyone…" I look at him and realize that I've seen something about him that no one else has.   
  
"Please…" He practically begs while looking at me almost pained. For some reason I can't say anything, but I feel my head nodding up and down.   
  
_I don't even know what there is to tell…I don't even know what I saw anymore._   
  
He looks at me for a moment before closing the door behind him. It's as if he's scared to leave me. I stand there sopping wet. I stand there in the painful silence of his kitchen. Alone. I let my body fall against counter and slide down to the ground. Suddenly tears start coming to my eyes. My body starts to shake from my sobs and I instinctively hug my knees in front of me.  
  
_I don't even know why I'm crying. I don't even know what I'm doing. I feel lost. Nothing seems real. It's actually scary. It's like I don't even know who he is anymore.   
  
Actually, what really scares me is I feel like I don't even know me anymore._

_  
_


	6. Chapter six

_It's strange but I remember my parents fighting a few months before they died. I was six and I had snuck out of my bed to see what actually went on while I was supposed to be asleep. I remember peeking my head around the wall to the staircase and hearing their shouts from the kitchen. I don't know what they were saying, but I remember how their voices sounded. They were harsh and pained. And I remember how I felt. It was like everything I thought about them was stripped. They weren't perfect. They weren't always happy. They were real, and for me at that time, it was painful to see them that way. I haven't felt that way in a long time. Until now. And now is even worse because I never knew __Clark__ to begin with. So now I've seen him in this completely new and extremely personal for that matter, light and I don't even know him._   
  
I turn my body over to face the other wall. The numbers of my clock shines a red light on my face in my dark room. I've been doing this for almost 2 hours. Just laying here, tossing back and forth. Nell will be getting home from closing up at the shop any minute. And she's going to be furious at me.   
  
_I never went back to the shop. I stayed in __Clark__'s kitchen for a few minutes longer, until I realized that I was in fact in his kitchen, without him there. I quickly left and drove back to the shop. But when I parked the car I knew I wouldn't be able to stay there. I wouldn't be able to sit in that shop with everything that was going on. At first I thought it would be nice to have some familiarity but as I walked towards the back door I discovered that it wasn't familiar anymore. Nothing seemed to be. I felt like I was in the middle of a bad dream. Did that really just happen? What really just happened?_  
  
I quickly sit up straight and realize I need to know. I look over at the clock once more and see that it's only 8:15. I jump off my bed, grabbing my jacket and bag all at the same time and run out the door. I hurry out my front door and realize there are no cars.   
  
_Dammit_  
  
I look around and spot my bike lying on the inner wall of the garage. It hasn't left that spot since I left it there a year ago.  
  
_You cannot ride your bike…you can't…well_  
  
Before I even know it I'm perched on the seat and adjusting to being on a bike once more.  
  
_How did I ever think this was comfortable?_  
  
I throw my bag over my shoulder; it's the same one I use for school. I'm not much into fashion as I'm sure you've already realized. I start pedaling quickly, starving to get there.  
  
_I can't believe how quickly your mode can change. Just 10 minutes ago I had no desire to see him, and now can't go on without seeing him…  
  
This is great, I should be there any minute._  
  
"Lana…where the hell have you been?" Nell shouts while she slams her car door.  
  
_Oh crap…_  
  
I push down the kick stand and slowly turn to face her "I uh…"  
  
_Think…think…think_  
  
Nell crosses her arms and looks at me impatiently, "You see Nell… I -"  
  
"La-"  
  
"I threw up." I don't even know what I've blurted out.  
  
"You threw up?" Nell asks suspiciously.  
  
"Yeah…it was awful. I left Clark's and I had to a…" I look at the ground searching for where to go, "…pull over on the side of the road." I look up at her as I finish, happy with this lie.  
  
"You had to pull over on the side of road to…."   
  
_I hate it when people repeat your sentences as if they're saying it._  
  
"To throw up…yes." I finish slightly angered. I think the tone will work for me, it will be convincing.  
  
Nell's still not buying it. "Well if you were sick then why are you on your bike now? I mean you look fine to me."  
  
"You see I think it was what I had for lunch. I felt awful, and worse, I felt like I was going to throw up at Clark's. I made a complete fool of myself. So I ran out of there and came back here. But after sleeping for a few hours I feel much better. So I was hoping to make it to the last few minutes of the game." I look at her hopeful. "…Try to gain back some pride from how I acted in front of him."  
  
_Not a complete lie…_  
  
Nell looks like she's caving slightly, "Well…." She looks at me indecisively.  
  
_Work her a little more…_  
  
"Nell I'm so sorry about leaving you alone at the shop and not calling you."  
  
_Alright let's bring this home…_  
  
"It was so irresponsible of me. And not to mention completely disrespectful towards you." Nells face seems to change slightly.  
  
_Bingo_  
  
"Well…I guess you're forgiven and…" She looks at me for a moment, making me wait on purpose, "you can go to the game."  
  
I run over to her and hug her. "Thank you Nell."   
  
As she pulls away, "Just don't stay out too late."  
  
_As if that has ever happened. I don't think I've ever come home past ten…and no, I'm not kidding._  
  
"I won't." I look at her contemplating if I should ask what I'm thinking.  
  
"Well you're never going to make it to the game on a bike…take the car."   
  
_Yet again…the freaking mind reading tactics of parents._  
  
"Thank you Nell….you are the best." I hug her again and grab the keys from her as I hop into the car.  
  
I watch her wave goodbye to me as she becomes farther and farther away.

The whole ride there I contemplated turning around probably five times.  
  
_I am so nervous. Like sweaty palms nervous. And I have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that nothing is ever going to be the same._  
  
I find the closest spot available in the packed parking lot. I get out of my car and I see crowds of people coming towards me. Obviously I missed the game, but Clark wanted to talk to me afterwards, so I continue to walk towards the field. As I pass every person I can hear their conversations. And in each one the topic is the same. 'How badly Clark Kent played in the game.'  
  
_Uh oh…they lost._  
  
I feel my face fall as the field becomes closer. I reach the entrance and inhale deeply.  
  
_Here it goes_  
  
I enter the field and look for where to go. I now realize that we never made like detailed plans of where to meet.  
  
_Which I guess is understandable._  
  
I walk further in the stadium and stop to take in the night.   
  
_I can still feel the excitement and energy of the crowd. Almost like a ghost, haunting the stadium._  
  
I look up to the sky and then to my left when that pit in my stomach plummets. I see him. There he is sitting on the bench. His head resting in his hands. For the first time he looks weak. I instinctively walk over to him. As I reach the bench I just look down at him. He's still in his uniform with dirt and sweat covering his body.  
  
_He still looks amazing._  
  
"I'm sorry you guys lost." My face cringes.  
  
_Oy…why must you always say the wrong thing?_  
  
He doesn't look up at me as he solemnly replies, "We didn't lose."  
  
_What?_  
  
My face contorts into confusion as he finally looks at me. "I didn't think you'd come." His face has changed and he's smiling slightly.  
  
"Well to be honest…I didn't either." He moves over, which I guess is a way of telling me to sit, so I do.  
  
"So…" I look in front of me and sort of tap my knees.  
  
_This is so awkward._  
  
He starts to laugh and I do too. I guess we both don't know what to do or say. He looks at me. We get caught in a stare.  
  
"So, you wanna go somewhere…" He pauses.  
  
_Do I ever…_  
  
"….and talk?" He finishes as everything comes back to me.  
  
_Oh God…that_  
  
I nod hesitantly, afraid of what is to come. Suddenly I hear someone behind us.  
  
"Hey Kent…Coach said to just go home and get rest. I swear you get away with everything." It's the same kid, Kevin I think his name was, from before. He looks at me.  
  
"Oh it's you again…"  
  
"Kevin…" Clark stands and gives him a death stare.   
  
"Relax…I just want to introduce myself to the young lady. I'm Kevin" He says cockily as he throws his hand in front of me. I don't take it and respond indifferently, "Lana."  
  
"Ouch…Kent you go for the cold ones huh?" He lightly jabs Clark's chest but Clark swats his hand away.  
  
Kevin stands back and exclaims, "Dude…I'm just kidding. What the hell's wrong with you?"  
  
Clark's voice becomes calmer and replies, "Nothing…I'm just a little tense, I guess."  
  
"Well then it's a good thing Conor's having that victory party."  
  
Clark cautiously begins, "Oh…I can't-"  
  
"What? Are you really bailing out on your team." Kevin asks seriously.  
  
"I just…" Clark looks over at me, "…I have other plans."   
  
"Well what's more important?"   
  
_Is this guy kidding me? It's just a stupid party._  
  
Clark seems to be troubled as he tries to decide what to do  
  
_Oh my god, is HE kidding me? It's just a stupid party._  
  
Kevin watches him and finally says, "Look just come, you can even bring your girlfriend here to the party. That way everyone wins."   
  
_Girlfriend? Yeah I wish._  
  
Clark doesn't say anything but laughs. Kevin looks at him. "So I'll see you there?" Clark just nods and Kevin smiles "There you go…" He looks at me, "And I hope to see you there as well." He winks at me before leaving. Clark doesn't notice as he's looking down.  
  
_I have no clue what girls see in that guy._  
  
Clark watches him leave and then turns to me, "I kind of have to go to that stupid party….I'll never live it down." I'm sure my face now displays the extreme anger I feel.  
  
_I'm sorry…you're going to go to a party? After everything that happened today?_  
  
"So would you mind coming with me…I mean we can talk there."  
  
_Oh…_  
  
I look at him still not sure if that's what I want to do, but decide it's what I have to.  
  
"Yeah…I mean… sure." I answer while looking at him unsure  
  
"Ok…" He looks down, and I can see that he can't believe we're about to talk. That he can't believe he's going to tell me…whatever it is he's going to tell me.  
  
"Well I guess the easiest way to go about this would be for you to come to my house, then we'll go together?"  
  
_Why would this be the easiest way?_  
  
"A…yeah…I guess that would be the easiest way."   
  
"Alright…um well I'm just going to grab some stuff from the locker room. And then I'll meet you in the parking lot?"  
  
"Ok." I simply answer and he replies the same, "Ok."  
  
He turns and starts running towards the entrance to the locker room as I remain where I am.   
  
_That conversation was so pointless. Everything we just said had no meaning. It was like we were dancing around the real issue. But I realize I don't mind…because I know soon we're going to collide into the real issue. And everything is going to change. But right now everything is the same. I still have this time where __Clark__Kent__ is just a football player. Where __Clark__Kent__ is just the too cute boy in my school who I have a crush on. And I now realize that very soon that is all going to change_


	7. Chapter seven

_There's a certain level of discomfort when meeting someone's parents for the first time._  
  
"So...Lana…you and Clark are in the same class?" Mrs. Kent asks from across the kitchen counter.  
  
_And it only becomes worse when seconds after the initial meeting, you are forced to be alone with them._  
  
I nod my head, "Yeah…yeah we're in the same grade."  
  
_I guess it's the same for both ends, considering that's the third time Mrs. __Kent__ has asked me that._  
  
Mrs. Kent smiles at me then focuses down on the counter, seemingly in deep thought. "Right, right." I think she realizes she's been slightly repetitive with her questions. Mr. Kent got out of this uncomfortable situation long ago when he said he had to do some work and he'd let us "ladies chit chat."  
  
_Lucky bastard._  
  
So now it's just Martha and I, sitting across from each other in awkward silence, periodically smiling at one another. And I know what we're both thinking.  
  
_Where the hell is __Clark__?_  
  
Mrs. Kent looks up at me as if she's attempting conversation once more.  
  
_Oh please…don't_  
  
"Hey…you ready to go?" I feel Clark place a hand on my back.  
  
_Phew…_  
  
Both Mrs. Kent and I sigh and say in relief "Clark…" as I turn around to face him. He is in a simple long sleeved black shirt, with perfectly fitted jeans. His hair is still wet and he smells delicious.  
  
_My God you're gorgeous without even trying._  
  
"So you ready?" He asks while his hand is still on my back.  
  
I just nod.  
  
"Well it was a pleasure to meet you Lana." I can still hear the relief in Mrs. Kent's voice.  
  
I get up from my stool and smile as I reply, "Yes you too…"  
  
_Regardless of how awkward it was._  
  
"Bye Mom." Clark says while he opens the door for me.  
  
_I still can't believe in one day I've spoken to __Clark__ more then I have my entire life. Been inside his house twice. Met his parents. And am now going to a party with him.   
  
And who could forget…what I saw....earlier. I wish I could just erase that. I wish it never happened. Because I could get used to the way things are right now_  
  
I follow him to his pick up truck and after he opens the passenger side door for me, take a seat.  
  
_I guess he's driving…_  
  
I see him take a deep breath as he gets into the driver side. He's nervous too. He gets inside the car and quickly puts the keys in the ignition, when the radio starts blaring.  
  
"Shake that thing miss Kana Kana, shake that-"  
  
Clark quickly fumbles for the eject button on the tape deck and finally turns off the stereo.  
  
_Wow…I never took __Clark__ for a Sean Paul guy._  
  
I chuckle to myself as he puts the car in drive, "Sorry about that…"  
  
"Oh no problem…" I look over at him and smile. He returns it as he says, "Yeah I tell my mom all the time to make sure she turns off the stereo when she's done using the truck…but she never listens."  
  
I start laughing and so does Clark as he continues "Mother's and their rap…"  
  
Now I'm really laughing. You know the kind where your whole body begins shaking and your eyes start to water. I can see him looking over at me. Even though I'm not looking directly at him, I can tell he has a big smile on his face.  
  
_Why are we acting like this? I mean we shouldn't be joking around and laughing.   
  
Stop laughing. This is serious._  
  
When we finally park on what I'm guessing is "Conor's" street, I've basically composed myself, except I still have this goofy smile on my face. As I step out of the car, I can hear music in the distance.  
  
_Oh my God…I'm going to a party. I…am…going to a party. I never even really thought about it. I didn't even get a chance to prepare myself for this._  
  
As we start walking, I glance down at my clothes. I guess Clark notices this, because he suddenly says. "Don't worry you look beautiful." I quickly look up at him and feel my cheeks beginning to blush.  
  
_Suddenly I don't care about what happened earlier. I don't care who he is. Suddenly I'm happy just to be with him._  
  
"And besides…we don't even have to stay here, I just need to make a few hello's and then we can leave."  
  
_And suddenly everything comes back to me…_  
  
"Oh yeah sure…we don't have to stay." I say, trying to sound happy.  
  
"We're here." Clark stops me on the sidewalk and I look at Conor's enormous house. And consuming his huge front lawn are about 30 people.  
  
As we walk down his long driveway, I say "Oh I wish I had worn something warmer…I didn't know this was an outside thing.  
  
Clark looks at me oddly, and says "It's not…those are people who are just getting here."  
  
_Good Lana…good_  
  
"Oh right" I say attempting to sound cool.

We get to the front of his house and as we walk through the already open door, we run into who I'm assuming is Conor.  
  
_I've never seen him before, but he is awfully cute._  
  
"Well look at the jackass who decided to show up!" Conor jokes as he and Clark exchange a high five.  
  
_Heh…I like this guy._  
  
Conor's smile disappears and his voice becomes more serious, "Hey I'm sorry about the game man…that's a tough-"  
  
"We won, that's all that matters." Clark cuts him off.  
  
_Mental note: Do not bring up the game, clearly a touchy subject._   
  
Conor realizes it's a bad topic and suddenly looks over at me and smiles, "Hey I don't believe we've met, I'm Conor." He extends his hand.  
  
I take his hand and reply warmly, "Lana…" I look around "…you're house is amazing."  
  
"Thanks…"   
  
"Conor we're up man!" Some drunk boy says from a stairwell which leads to the basement I'm assuming.  
  
"Alright be right there…" Conor calls out and then looks to me and Clark "…you'll have to excuse me, beer pong calls. Since I know Kent here doesn't drink, " Clark starts to laugh as Conor looks at me, "Lana, cocktails are at the bar in the living room, kegs in the kitchen, and my personal favorite…ice luges on the back deck."   
  
"Oh…I  
  
_Well I actually don't know if I drink or not...I mean I've never tried it before, I might- Oh just answer the question_  
  
"I don't drink…" He try to make this statement seem like my choice, and not a fact of life.  
  
"Alright…well have a good time you two kids." He pats us both and leaves.  
I finally take in my surroundings. There is loud music pumping from the room next to us, and kids everywhere. I don't feel so self conscience anymore, considering all of them are drunk and look ridiculous right now.  
  
_I know I shouldn't judge something I don't know…but I just don't see the appeal in drinking…honestly if someone would care to explain, I'd love to hear._  
  
Clark suddenly leans towards me and shouts, "I'm gonna get a drink…you want one?"  
  
I look at him strangely and repeat, "Oh no I don't drink…"   
  
He starts to laugh slightly, "No I know…I mean like a non alcoholic beverage."  
  
_You are such an idiot…_  
  
I laugh out of complete embarrassment, "Right…no I'm ok."  
  
He's still laughing, "Ok…well I'll be right back. Just wait right there." He looks at me for a moment, as if to make sure I'll be alright on my own. I smile as a way to reassure him, and it works as he finally turns and disappears into the crowd.  
  
I stand there in the middle of groups of girls gossiping and guys shouting, trying to blend in. I slowly back against a wall, and find relief to be in the background. No one notices me and I like it that way.  
  
_This isn't so bad at all. I can fit in here._  
  
I hear a familiar voice, "Lana…?"   
  
_Or not_  
  
"Chloe!" I try to sound friendly as she and her group of friends circle around me.  
  
_Well this isn't intimidating or anything…_  
  
"Hi…" She gives me a look of disbelief.  
  
_I know what you're going to ask next…so just say it._  
  
Her face becomes confused…"So who did you come –"  
  
Suddenly I feel someone grab my hand from behind me.  
  
"With me." I turn and find Clark next to me, raising our linked hands in front of Chloe.  
  
_Uh oh_  
  
"Oh" Chloe looks like she's about to vomit "…I see."  
  
Clark looks back and forth between us, confused. "Chloe you know Lana?"  
  
Chloe looks at me as if I'm 5 feet smaller then her. "Yeah, but fortunately …not anymore." She gives me a cruel smile and walks away. Her fan club gives me dirty looks before running off to catch up with her.  
  
_Thank God Cat and I…oh shit, Cat._  
  
Clark looks at me confused, "I don't know what got into Chloe –"  
  
"Cat!" I burst out.  
  
He starts laughing and looks at me, "What?"   
  
I give him a serious look, "Cat…I completely forgot to call her. Crap." I put my hand up to my forehead.  
  
Clark stops laughing, "Ok…well call her."  
  
I look at my watch and it says 10:00. "Well I can't call her now." Clark shrugs his shoulders. "So…call her tomorrow."  
  
_Boys totally don't understand the rules of girl friendships…_  
  
I realize that he's partially right though. There's nothing I can do now. "Well I don't really have a choice but to wait till tomorrow." I say defeatedly. Clark puts his hands in his pockets, and I can tell he doesn't know what to say.  
  
We stand there for a few moments with nothing to say as we look around. We both know the inevitable is about to come. Suddenly Clark starts walking forward, but I stay where I am. He stops and finally turns around to face me. He gives me a small smile as he extends his hand. I just look at it, too afraid to grab it. Finally I put my hand in his and I feel him lightly squeeze it. I take a deep breath as he walks through the crowd, bringing me with him. We reach the stairs to the second floor, and he stops just before it. He looks over at me, and takes a deep breath. Finally he starts walking up the stairs, as I follow closely behind.


	8. Chapter eight

After ten minutes of searching, we finally find a vacant room.  
  
_I always thought couples' taking over bedrooms at parties in order to hook up was only a myth seen in teen movies…but after interrupting 5 very "busy" couples, I know it's actually true._  
  
Clark slowly leads me into the dark room, as he pats down the wall next to the door. Finally he hits a light switch, showing to us what seems to be the upstairs den. There is a plush L-shaped couch with a similarily shaped table running along it. Of course a big screen TV and stereo system is placed in front of the couch.  
  
_Now call me crazy, but if I had all this there is no way in hell I'd have 300 kids from my school over._  
  
"Wow." Clark says as his eyes widen and he looks at me. I smile back as a sudden sickening feeling comes over me.  
  
_I can't do this…I can't do this._  
  
"Um you know what Clark…forget it. You don't have to tell me." I turn and head for the hallway, but I feel Clark gently pull me back.  
  
"No…" He looks at me sincerely. "…I want to. I want to tell….you". He lightly closes the door and walks over to the couch. I watch him stand before it, clearly waiting for me to take a seat.   
  
_Alright Lana…you can do this…deep breath._  
  
I inhale slowly and finally walk over to meet him at the couch. He takes a seat down on the table.  
  
_I have no clue why you would choose that hard wood table over this comforting couch, but I'm not going to ask..._  
  
I sit down on the couch so we are facing each other. I let all of my weight fall back on it, whereas Clark is leaning forward on the table, with his hands tied on top of his knees.  
  
I sit there in silence, waiting for him to begin. I keep my focus off of him. For some reason I'm scared to make eye contact with him. It seems like 15 minutes has passed and he still hasn't started. I look over at him and he's looking down at the ground, hands still entwined.  
  
_Alright this is starting to get ridiculous…will you please start talking?_  
  
"I don't know where to begin. There's so many things…" He pauses and starts to shake his head slightly, "….so much to say."   
  
_I take it back…you can sit there all you want. Just don't start talking._  
  
He finally looks up to me. "Well I guess there's really no place to start, so I'll just dive in. Lana, I'm not exactly like other guys. Actually other people in general."  
  
_After earlier, I figured that out…well sort of_  
  
He's starting to look nervous as he turns his head away from me. Suddenly I just want him to tell me so I take his hand, letting him know I want him to continue. A small smile forms on his face, which makes me feel somewhat less scared.  
  
"I'm sorry…I just…" he stops and it looks like his eyes are tearing up. He rubs his eyes with his other hand, "…I've never talked about this with anyone."  
  
_He's gay……God what is wrong with you? Just stop thinking…just stop thinking and let him talk._  
  
"It's ok…just tell me." I look at him seriously.  
  
"Ok…" He nods his head as if he's gaining confidence. His eyes are rid of that teary look.  
  
_Thank God…just by looking at him I thought I might lose it._  
  
His voice is now serious and direct as he begins, "Lana…I wasn't born here."  
  
_Huh?_  
  
"Like not in Smallville?"  
  
_What's the big deal…_  
  
He laughs slightly and widens his eyes. "Um not exactly."  
  
"Ok…" My eyes move back and forth "…so where were you born?"  
  
_What does this have to do with anything?_  
  
He holds his breathe before saying, "I'm not sure of exactly where I was born, but I know it was in a place called Krypton."  
  
_Where the hell is Krypton?_  
  
"Krypton? Is that like in Africa or something?" I look at him confused. He laughs as he says, "I wish…" He stops as he stands and starts walking away from me. Finally he gets to where the tv is and rests his arm on it. "I wasn't born on Earth…I was born on the planet Krypton."  
  
_I'm sorry what?_  
  
"I'm sorry what?" I say as my body freezes.  
  
"Lana…I'm not…." He looks at me nervously, "…human."  
  
"Oh so...you're what...an alien?" Suddenly I start to laugh   
  
_Is this guy kidding me?_  
  
He looks at me surprised "Well…yeah I guess."  
  
"Oh and let me guess, you have like superpowers." I stand up as my laughing becomes harder.  
  
His face is confused "Actually…um…yeah."   
  
Now I'm downright cracking up as he continues, "Lana I didn't think you take it this…well like this." He puts his hands on his hips as I suddenly stop laughing and look at him seriously.  
  
_He's…I mean he is joking right?_  
  
"Wait you're being serious?" For some reason my voice comes out a whisper.  
  
Clark widens his eyes, "Yes…completely."  
  
_Oh now this is just completely ridiculous._  
  
I roll my eyes and turn around to start walking to the door. "Alright Clark, that was very funny ... I'm leaving-"  
I stop as I find Clark standing in front of the door. "  
  
_How the hell…_  
  
"How'd you…" I trail off while my eyes become puzzled as suddenly the memory of him flashing through the kitchen comes back to me once again. I can't believe I didn't' even think of it before when he was talking.  
  
_He can't be an…I mean there's no way he's…that's just impossible._  
  
"Lana…maybe you should sit down." Clark starts walking towards me as I slowly nod my head and reply, "Yeah I think that would be a good idea."  
  
We both take a seat now on the couch, but I put a little distance between us. I can tell Clark notices this, but he seems to understand.  
  
"Look Lana…I'm…I am not human, and I do have certain abilities."  
  
I look at him and then look down as I nod. While looking forward, I softly reply, "Abilities?"  
  
"Um yeah…There are things I can do that normal humans…can't."  
  
Suddenly I'm not nervous. I'm actually…curious. I look at him confidently and ask "Like what?" He quickly turns to face me and I can see his face fall in relief.  
  
"You're not going to freak out?" His voice shows disbelief.  
  
_Yes…why aren't you freaking out?_  
  
"Um…no." I look down in shock towards myself, "I guess not."   
  
"Wow…I didn't anticipate this." Clark says as he looks forward.  
  
"Well…tell me…what can you do?" I ask while I move closer to him.  
  
_Ok why aren't you running out of there…he's an alien. Ok A L I E N._

He looks at me, still shocked, but slowly begins, "Well I can run extremely fast as you've seen."   
  
_Oh well that explains that._  
  
I nod, urging him to continue. Suddenly I want to know everything. "And…"  
  
He starts laughing, "…and it's impossible to hurt me."  
  
"Impossible? Come on…there has to be something that hurts you!" I feel myself smiling.  
  
He's still laughing and he shakes his head, "Well actually there is…green meteor rocks are the only thing that weakens me." He turns to me, "Are you sure you're not going to flip out? I mean why are you being so…like normal about this?"   
  
_Yes…please fill me in_  
  
I put my hands up in the air slightly, and shrug as I look at him. " I…don't know. I mean this is crazy…and I should be flipping out. Right?"  
  
"Well that's what I thought was going to happen…"   
  
I look ahead and nod my head. "I know…I should be flipping out. I should be freaked out." I turn to look at him. "But I'm not…and I have no clue why."  
  
_Or maybe in the back of my mind I sort of already knew. Maybe I knew he was different and that's why I was so upset before. But now, I'm finally admitting it to myself._  
  
Suddenly Clark puts a hand up to his chest and exhales heavily, "You have no idea what a relief it is that you're being so understanding. I was like giving myself a hernia; I couldn't concentrate all day."  
  
"Why…why were you so stressed?" I say confused.  
  
"Lana…I've never told anyone about this. My parents and I both think it's too risky for people to know. So when you saw me today using my abilities…I didn't know what I was going to do. I mean it's not the first time someone's been suspicious about how I've done something before, but this time was different. I don't know, it was like I couldn't tell you the truth, but at the same time, I couldn't lie….or something." He looks down.  
  
"So why did you?" I move slightly closer to him.  
  
"Why did I what?" He looks at me confused.  
  
"Tell me…why did you tell me the truth?"  
  
His face becomes sincere, but serious. "I don't know. It just felt right and…" He pauses for a moment, "…I have this overwhelming feeling that I can trust you. For some reason, I wanted to tell you. It was like I had to."  
  
"Wow." I look forward as I laugh slightly.  
  
"I know that's really strange considering we don't know each other all that well…but that's just the thing…I feel like I've known all my life, you know?" He quickly looks away. I can see he's embarrassed.  
  
"Yeah…I do." He turns back at me and smiles, "Yeah?" His voice sounds almost like a little boy.  
  
I laugh, "Yeah…" We both look at each other for a moment. Suddenly a thought pops in my mind.  
  
"So if you were born on Korpinton or Konstan –"  
  
"Krypton." He laughs as I do too. "Krypton, thank you. Anyway if you were…"  
  
_I can't believe I'm actually talking about this as if it were normal._  
  
"born there…how'd you get here. Did you take like a spaceship here…or" I become extremely excited just by the thought of it, "Can you fly?" I'm laughing, but I stop as soon as I see his face become serious.  
  
"What?" I ask as he stands up and puts his hands in his back pockets.  
  
"Um…Lana…I arrived here 11 years ago." He turns and faces me. His face is pained.  
  
I stand up as well, "Ok…"   
  
He shakes his head, "No you don't understand…I arrived here 11 years ago during the meteor shower. The meteor shower was because of…" He stops and I can see sadness in his eyes "…me."  
  
_Oh…_  
  
"What?" My voice is low, but my words come out loud.  
  
"Look Lana…I'm sorry, but…" He starts walking towards me.  
  
"But nothing Clark…What you're saying is it's your fault my parents died... because of you?" My voice is now ringing, and I'm not even thinking about what I'm saying. The words are coming out instinctively.   
  
Clark fumbles for words, "Well…I mean… it's not like that-"  
  
"Oh ok Clark…if it's not like that then explain it to me. Tell me what part I got wrong."   
  
Clark doesn't say anything but only looks at me.  
  
"Yeah that's what I thought." I say it through my teeth and turn to leave.  
  
"Lana…wait" Clark runs after me and gently places his hand on my arm.  
  
I throw his hand off of me "Look Clark…I really don't want to talk about this anymore.."  
  
"Ok I understand…" Clark nods, and continues, "you want to leave."  
  
"Leave?" I widen my eyes, "Who said anything about leaving?"  
  
"Oh..ok, I know you probably don't want to be around me right now. Here you can take my car."  
  
_The last place I want to be is home…_  
  
"Thanks Clark…but I think I'm going to hang out for awhile. But feel more then free to go, actually I'd prefer it if you did." I say it bitterly.  
  
Clark suddenly looks nervous, "Lana…look you're upset and probably in shock. The last thing you should do is drink."  
  
"I thought that was the reason people drink? To forget?"   
  
He looks at me, "I thought you didn't like to drink?"  
  
"Yeah well I changed my mind." I say as I open the door and quickly walk down the hall.  
  
"Lana…wait!" I can hear Clark following me as I squeeze through the thick crowd of people on the stairs.  
  
I reach the bottem of the stairs, but because of Clark's considerable size he is not able to walk down them with the same success.  
  
As I walk and search for the closest liquor available, I hear a voice other than Clark's.  
  
"Lana, right?"  
  
I turn to face Conor. "Yeah…"   
  
"Well Lana…I think you and I have a date with Mr. Jose Cuervo here?" He says as he holds up a clear bottle containing a golden liquid. I look at the bottle, contemplating.  
  
"So…whaddya say?" His face forms into a wide smile.  
  
"Lana!" I turn and see Clark, who's made it down the stairs, but is still trying to file through the enormous crowd of people.  
  
I look back at Conor, "I say…you're on." Conor's smile grows as he hands me a full shot glass and a lime. I look at him confused.   
  
"It's a chaser…here hold out your arm." Conor says as he starts sprinkling salt on my wrist. My face is still confused, "Wait…have you never done a tequila shot before." He starts laughing, but it doesn't seem to be in a mocking manner.  
  
"Refresh my memory." I say it without even caring how it sounds.  
  
"Here watch me…" Suddenly Conor licks his wrist and smiles up at me before downing his shot, and proceeding to suck on the lime.  
  
_And this is supposed to be fun…You know what, I don't care anymore…_  
  
"Think you can do it?" He says as he wipes his upper lip.  
  
"Yeah…I can do it."   
  
"That's my girl…" He crosses his arms, bottle and shot glass still in hands.  
  
I nod and suddenly focus on the tiny square glass in my hand.  
  
_You know what…maybe you shouldn't do this._  
  
"Lana…" Suddenly Clark has appeared before me and Conor. I look at him and want that shot now more than ever. I quickly lick the salt off my wrist. My face contorts into disgust, and I hold the glass before my lips for a second.   
  
"Please…let's talk about this." Clark begs as I look at him before throwing my head back and emptying the glass's contents into my mouth. I swallow as I put my head back forward. But I didn't swallow it all, and the remains of the cool liquid is resting at the back of my mouth. Stinging each area it touches. I tightly shut my eyes as I swallow hard and the painful tears slowly stream down my cheeks.


	9. Chapter nine

Suddenly I hear a low voice drumming in my head, "Lana"  
  
_Please stop shouting_  
  
I feel someone lightly moving me and hear the same soft voice, "Wake up Lana." I roll over while I push away the person's hand. "Please Nell…  
I'm sleeping."  
  
The person starts laughing and I realize it's not a woman's voice and it's not Nell who's sitting next to me. I roll back over and squint my eyes,  
  
_What are you doing here?_  
  
I find Clark sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling slightly at me. "Clark…" I say in a scratchy voice as I slowly lift my body into a sitting position.   
  
"Hey…good morning." Clark's voice is unsure.  
  
"Good?" I start to shake my head, "No…nothing about this morning is good." I put a hand up to my forehead. "My head feels like someone's been slamming it with a sledge hammer all night."  
  
"Here…" Clark says as he hands me a glass of water and two Advil. "…this should help a little."  
  
"Thanks…" I say as I toss the Advil in my mouth and swallow it down with the water. As I bring the glass down I finally take in my surroundings.  
  
_Wait a minute…_  
  
As my eyes wander, I slowly say "This isn't my room."   
  
_Wow you're quick…_  
  
Clark starts laughing, "Yeah you weren't really in the best condition to go home last night. So I asked if you wanted to stay here and you said....well actually it was more of a grunt, which I'm still not sure if it was a yes or -"  
  
"Oh my God…Nell is going to kill me" I shout as I try to quickly get up from the bed, but become extremely dizzy, and fall back into my previous seated position.  
  
"Yeah…you might want to take it easy." Clark says cautiously as I bring my hand to my face. I shut my eyes as a wave of nausea flushes through me.  
  
_Please room…stop spinning_  
  
"Um…Well don't worry about Nell." Clark says reassuringly.  
  
"No Clark believe me…I have to worry and I have to call her." I say attempting to move again, but Clark lightly pushes me back. "Don't worry we already did."  
  
" 'We'…already did what?" I say, becoming nervous.  
  
"My dad called her this morning and…took care of it." Clark replies matter of factly.  
  
"What did he tell her?" I say shocked.  
  
Clark starts laughing, "I have no idea, but he said it wasn't a problem."  
  
I look down as my eyes widen, "Wow…tell your dad thank you." I look up at him, "…I guess your parents are pretty cool about that kind of stuff huh?"  
  
He turns his head slightly, "Actually they're not…" I look at him confused as he continues, "…this morning I told them about last night…and everything that happened. And after a lot of arguing, they realized they had to help." Both our faces fall.  
  
_Oh God last night. The parts that I do remember make my stomach drop. Not because I'm mad at him, I'm actually not mad at all. More than anything I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed by what I can and can not remember from last night. _  
  
Suddenly I start to say something just as Clark does, "Clark I- ,   
"Look Lana." I glance down as we both start laughing and Clark says, "You go first." I look at him for a moment and see that his face becomes nervous. I don't even know where to begin. There's so much to say, so much to talk about.   
  
"Well I…I just want to apologize for last night…." Clark's face shoots up and he quickly interjects, "Lana please don't be sorry for last night…" I look at him, feeling embarrassed, as he continues "…I mean it wasn't exactly a normal situation."  
  
" Yeah, I know that…" my eyes widen, "…believe me." I laugh slightly, but continue more seriously. "To be honest, the way I acted last night…how I reacted, it wasn't really about you…I mean yes part of it was, but it wasn't completely about you, and me getting mad…well it wasn't fair."  
  
Clark looks at me puzzled, "What do you mean?"   
  
I don't even really know what I mean. For the first time I'm talking without thinking about every word I say.   
  
"Last night you opened this…this Pandora's Box of emotions." I stop to see if Clarks following. To see if I'm even following. I see that he is and I just start saying whatever comes to me. "You see I don't talk about their…death…"  
  
_I can't believe it still hurts so much. That by just saying the words all of the pain still comes back to me._  
  
" I don't talk about…it…that much." I feel my bottom lip starting to quiver.  
  
_Don't cry…don't cry._

"Actually…I never talk about it. I don't let myself because it's just too hard..." One single tear drops down my cheek and falls on my hand. I look down at that one small puddle sitting perfectly on my thumb. Suddenly, I don't even know where this is coming from. These feelings, these words. More tears begin to surface in my eyes, but I keep talking. "And so last night, when you brought it up…it was one of the first times I've even talked slightly about it in a long time." I stop and see him looking at me sadly.   
  
_Maybe I should stop…before I reveal too much._  
  
I take my hand and wipe my eyes.  
  
_What am I talking about? I don't even know what there is to reveal. No…I have to keep going. I have to keep talking._  
  
"When someone close to you dies…it's hard no matter what the cause is. And you get this…" I move my hands slightly and my face becomes pained, "…there's this… emptiness inside you. You're shocked and confused and upset all at once." I stop and try to gather what I'm saying. "But when someone close to you dies and there are no answers. When there is no…" My voice becomes louder but it's still shaky, "When there is no other driver. When there is no person who…" I harshly wipe away another tear, "who pulled the trigger …when there's no reason why or no person to blame. You feel all of those emotions but times ten. You're confused but don't know why. You're angry but you don't know who at." I look up at the ceiling, as if the drops that are now flowing from eyes will stop.   
  
"But somehow, you get through it. Somehow days turn into months, and somehow life returns back to normal. But the emptiness never leaves you. And…you never let go of that anger. It stays with you. In some ways, it keeps you going. And in the back of your mind, you're always searching. Searching for that something, that someone who…" I bite my lip to keep it from quivering, and close my eyes, "…took them away from you. Took away the people you loved, who loved you." I slowly open my eyes, and try to focus, through the tears, at him, " The person who took away not only their life…but took yours as well." I feel him take my hand, and I instinctively grab onto it tightly. Suddenly everything makes perfect sense. I see everything so clearly.  
  
"And last night, I thought I found it. Suddenly I had an answer." I stop as I can feel myself gaining back some composure. "I didn't care if it was right or not. I didn't care if it was unfair, because I had somewhere to channel the anger. I finally could point my finger and direct all of the confusion, sadness. All of it. Suddenly I could shout out someone. Suddenly I could feel something that made sense. And unfortunately…" I look down at my hands, "… you were that person…you were my escape." I start laughing slightly and I don't even know why.   
  
"I realize now, it's not you're fault. Of course it's not, I mean…God to lay all of that on you, I'm really sor-"  
  
"Please don't. Don't be sorry. You shouldn't apologize for anything you just said." I lift my face quickly to find Clark looking at me seriously. Suddenly I feel lighter, like this weight has been thrown off my shoulders. Suddenly I don't feel held down, or burdened. And I realize that while Clark had something to do with how I felt last night, he was only a small part of it.   
  
_I've been holding in these…these feelings for so long. For too long. And last night I'd finally let it go. I finally let myself feel them. I let myself feel their death. I allowed myself to be sad. And more importantly allowed myself to be mad. To get angry. Where I directed it was wrong, but feeling it wasn't at all. I'm allowed to be upset that they died. I'm allowed to think it's unfair. I'm allowed to cry, and even sometimes shout.   
  
Suddenly I feel released. Finally I feel like…I don't know….like I can live again._  
  
We sit there in silence for what seems an eternity, letting everything sink in but neither one of us seems to mind.   
  
Finally I break the silence, "So…" I let out a tiny laugh, as I put one hand up to my eyes and wipe away the last remaining tears. "…tell me how embarrassing was I last night?"  
  
Clark's face forms a small smile, "Well…" he drags it out and I say impatiently, "just tell me…be honest."  
  
Clark starts laughing, "Well to say you were the life of the party would be an understatement…"  
  
"Oh God…" And once again the embarrassment, and not to mention hang over, comes rushing back to me.  
  
"But don't worry, after the 8th tequila shot, 3rd ice luge, and one keg stand you weren't really capable of much besides breathing. So we came back here, and you were in bed before 12" He begins laughing.  
  
_Just the mention of liquor makes my mouth instantaneously water…_  
  
"Shut up….I didn't do all that?" I say in genuine disbelief.  
  
_I remember doing a few more shots…but everything else? I don't even know what an ice luge looks like, or what a keg stand is._  
  
"Fine don't believe me, but you'll be eating your words once the Polaroid's surface." He starts laughing harder.  
  
"Pictures! You took pictures! Oh crap" I look down and suddenly feel panicked and Clark quickly interjects, "Don't worry, I'm only kidding, well just about the pictures."  
  
_That's one relief…_  
  
I stop laughing and look at him seriously, "So…what were you going to say" His face becomes confused, and I continue, "…you know…before?"  
  
"Oh…" He pauses and looks like he's thinking about something, "…I was just going to tell you I know how to make your hangover almost disappear completely."  
  
I can tell he wasn't going to say that. And I'm happy that he decided not to say whatever it was. I don't want to think about anything serious right now. For once, I don't want to think about anything and evrything.  
  
I smile and reply, "Oh yeah…and how's that?"  
  
"By coming to breakfast with me." He says as a confidant smile comes across his face.  
  
"Well I'd love to…" I start laughing as he stands up and offers me his hand. As I take it and he helps me up, I remember what he told me. I can't believe I didn't even remember it until now.  
  
_Clark__ is an alien. My God…__Clark__ is an alien. For some reason, I'm calm. As we walk out of his room, I'm not afraid, or scared. For once in my life, I'm excited. I'm excited to find out more about __Clark__. I'm excited for every minute to come because I know that each one is going to be different then the last. Each day is going to be new. So much has happened, and I know that everything is going to change.  
  
And for once, I can't wait._


	10. Chapter ten

_Have you ever had a period of time go by and not even realize it? When there is no definition on the beginning and end of days, but they instead mold together and before you know it weeks have passed.   
  
Well that's what happened to me. It's been a month since that morning, that morning where I opened myself up to __Clark__Kent__. But it feels like it was just yesterday. I know people say that all the time, but I honestly mean it. It feels like it was just yesterday where I knew everything was going to change.  
  
And it has. What I didn't know then, was how right I was._  
  
"So…" Clark says as he leans on the locker next to mine. A sneaky smile forms on his lips as he continues, "….practice was cancelled because of the rain…" I don't look at him, but feel myself smiling as I continue to put books in my locker.   
  
_He does this all the time, beating around the bush. I pretend to be annoyed, but in truth, I absolutely love it._  
  
"and…" I still don't look at him.  
  
"And…how would you like to spend the afternoon. I was thinking a movie…" I finally look at him to see his adorable face as my own falls.  
  
"Clark I have to go to the shop today." I turn back to my locker.  
  
_I hate Nell._  
  
"Oh…" He says disappointed, and I turn back to face him. He's looking out towards the hallway, but downwards. He looks like he's thinking.  
  
"Yeah, Nell isn't going to be there, so I really have to go. Raincheck?" My face cringes.  
  
Clark finally turns to me and smiles, "Nope."  
  
"What?" I start laughing surprised, and he returns his laugh. "I won't need a raincheck."  
  
_I knew he was persistent, but come on._  
  
"Clark, believe me I wish I didn't have to go, I mean Lord knows how boring it will be-"  
  
Clark cuts me off, "Ok, so I'll go with you."  
  
"What?" I say as if I didn't hear right.  
  
Clark's eyes widen, "If it's ok."  
  
I quickly interject, "No No…it's fine. I mean it's great. But Clark…" I look at him seriously, "…it's a flower shop, and it's dreadful. I mean why would you want to spend your free afternoon there?"   
  
_Please don't listen to me and still agree to come._  
  
"Well…" A small smile forms on his face, "…because you're there."  
  
_Oh my God…can I jump you now?_  
  
I laugh as I look down and feel my cheeks blush, "Oh …"  
  
"And I guess I should admit, that I've always loved flowers. There's something about the smell of fresh lilacs that I can't put into words."  
  
I start laughing and playfully slap his arm, "Shut up." He starts laughing, "Alright, well I gotta go to a quick team meeting…but I'll meet you there after?" His eyes look hopeful, as if I'm going to change my mind.  
  
"Yeah…definitely." I nod and I can't stop smiling.  
  
_Good God woman, calm down before your cheeks crack._  
  
"Ok….then I'll see you later."   
  
"Yep…bye Clark." I say as he stays there, smiling at me.   
  
_Am I supposed to say something? Why isn't he leaving… not that I mind._  
  
He finally shakes his head and laughs, as if he's embarrassed. "Right...right. Bye Lana." He quickly turns and walks away.  
  
I watch him walk further down the hall and get that feeling I always do. A feeling of excitement, nervousness, and comfort all at once. I smirk as I turn back to my locker to get my last books.  
  
_This is how things have been for the past three weeks. Clark and I have been basically inseparable. But before you get the wrong idea, we're not dating. Because believe me if we were, I wouldn't have waited till now to tell you. It's just…I don't' know quite how to explain it. It's like when we're around the other we don't have to worry about anything. We both experienced so much together, shared so much, that it makes it impossible to not share a connection.   
  
I know for me, when I'm with him I feel like I can do anything. Like anything is impossible. It's so funny how this person can do it. This person who I couldn't even talk to whenever I was within 5 feet of him, I now tell everything to. This person who I just wished would come to our class one day, now spends virtually every free second he has with me. We do everything. We do nothing. Some days we can't stop talking, and others we just lay around, and barely speak. It's like we don't even need words. Just being around each other, is enough.   
  
I know he gets something from me that no one else can give him. As strange as it sounds, I give him freedom. Freedom to be who he is and not have to hide. I know when he's with me he's being himself more then ever and I think that's why he likes to be around me. I still can't believe it. __Clark__ Kent and I hang out all the time. __Clark__Kent__ asks me to do things with him. __Clark__Kent__ confides in me about everything and anything.  
  
I'm being completely honest when I say that the past three weeks have been amazing. I can't put into words how incredible it's been.   
  
Just so much has changed._  
  
I shut my locker and begin walking down the hallway. As I swing my bag around my shoulder I look up and see her walking with someone. I feel my stomach drop and it seems like everything is moving in slow motion. As I continue to walk, she finally looks over at me. As we are almost at each other, I don't know what to do, so I begin to smile. But once I form it, she turns her head and walks right by me. I stop and turn around. I stand in the middle of the hallway watching her walk away, laughing. I stand there and watch my best friend living a life I don't even know about. I stand there and watch Cat become more and more of a stranger.  
  
_When I said so much had changed, I failed to mention that it wasn't all good.  
  
I guess I should go back a few steps. Back to that night I went to the party with __Clark__. The night he told me everything. The night I was supposed to hang out with Cat. We were supposed to meet at the game at __6:45__ in front of the school, like we always do. But of course with everything that happened, I completely forgot. And as I went to the party with __Clark__, I completely forgot to call her. Which you already know.   
  
But I didn't call her the next day, or the day after that. I know I'm an awful person and an even worse friend. But honestly, I just forgot to call her. There was so much to discover about __Clark__. So much that we both wanted to talk about. Finally feeling like we had someone to talk to about everything we couldn't say before._

_So before I knew it, Monday came, and I still hadn't talked to her, or…God I hate to admit it, but I hadn't even thought about it. And since __Clark__ saved me from the bus, and drove me to school, I wasn't painfully reminded of it until she greeted me at my locker. I was surprised to see that she wasn't angry at first. She was actually worried that something had happened. I explained to her that I was fine, and nothing happened. And that's when she got mad. She asked for an explanation, and I couldn't give it to her. I couldn't tell her anything, because it all didn't make sense unless I told her __Clark__'s secret, which obviously I couldn't. So I basically said a lot of "um's" and "well's" and finally "I wish I could explain, but I can't. I'm so sorry." But she didn't accept my apology, and as if things couldn't get worse at that moment Chloe walked over to us and smirked at me before saying, "Lana, how are you feeling? You weren't looking to good at Conor's Friday night…" And before she walked away her tone turned angry as she said "…but lucky for you that __Clark__ dropped everything and rushed to your rescue."   
  
To say the least, Cat wasn't thrilled to hear that I ditched to her to go to a party, and to make matters worse, a party Chloe was at. She just looked at me, and I could see the hurt in her face. After that, there were a few awkward and tense conversations, but it was always me talking. She gave me the silent treatment. I know this would've been resolved normally, but since I spent so much time with __Clark__, it only angered her more. I know she thinks I'm totally dropping everything for a guy.  
  
And I know she's partially right. Yes I am technically spending a lot of time with him. But it's so hard to explain, and it's not like I want this to happen. But being with him gives me this feeling that I can't give up. So yes, I am an awful person. I completely agree with every negative word you throw my way, because I know I deserve it.  
  
But there's nothing I can do. There's nothing I can say to her to make her understand. I mean I've tried to tell her as much I can, without giving her the truth, but it's not enough. Her exact words, "Lana, look,what is going on with you and Clark. What happened between you two that you can't tell me. Cause all I know is you've been a different person since that weekend. It's like you've been lying to me. My best friend, who I've trusted my whole life, is lying to me. So please just tell me the truth. Please just be my friend, and be honest." I remember the look on her face when she said it. It was like her last attempt. I knew this was it. I looked at her, and finally sadly replied, "Cat…I…I just can't. Please I wish I could, but it's complicating." She stared at me as her face turned cold. "Well then let me make things easier for you…you don't have to worry about lying to me anymore." And like that she walked away from me. That was three weeks ago, and it was the last time we talked.   
  
But before you think I'm a completely heartless and insensitive person, it does hurt. It is killing me, but it's just so hard.  
  
I just can't believe how much has changed in such a short period of time._  
  
* * * *  
  
  
My body slouches on the stool; my head rests on my fist, as I relentlessly tap the counter top. I can't stop thinking about Cat and everything.   
  
_I have to do something about this._  
  
"Earth to Lana." Suddenly I see a hand waving in front of my face. I shake my head slightly, and turn to see Clark. I gently push his hand away, "Sorry…"  
  
Clark sits back down on the stool next to mine. "Don't get me wrong, I have no problem sitting here in silence with you, and your lovely drumming on the counter is music to my ears…but if you want to talk about whatever's bothering you –"  
  
"It's Cat." I'm not even looking at him, and I don't even know what he was saying.  
  
"Ok…" Clark says gently  
  
I still don't look at him, and readjust my position on the stool, "It's just….I mean…I don't know…" I stop and close my eyes.  
  
"What…" Clark says not questioningly but in a way urging me to continue.   
  
_I love that even when I'm not making sense, he still understands._  
  
I turn to him, and reply softly, "Forget it."  
  
_I don't even know how to explain it…_  
  
"No…you can talk to me about it." He says sincerely.  
  
"I know I can…but it's ok, I don't want to talk about it." I say trying to sound happy.  
  
"Are you sure?" He asks seriously.  
  
I give him a reassuring nod, "Absolutely, but thanks anyway."  
  
He still has a concerned look on his face, "Ok …but you know I'm here."  
  
"I know…thank you." I look at him appreciatively. I then turn back forward. I can feel his eyes on me still. But eventually he goes back to reading.  
  
_I don't know why I didn't talk to him about it. It just didn't feel right talking to him about something that has so much to do with him, but at the same time doesn't._  
  
"Hey…I have a question." I lean back off the counter and turn towards him. He's smiling at me, but he looks slightly nervous.  
  
"Ask away." I say as I turn my body towards him.  
  
"Well um…you know the dance Friday?"  
  
Do I? I've only been thinking about it every waking second…  
  
"Oh yeah…that's this Friday?" I ask nonchalantly  
  
_I'm trying to hold some shred of dignity._  
  
"Yeah it's this Friday." He answers and we both just stare at each other. I can feel my heart beating faster, for where he's going with this. He keeps looking at me.  
  
"Well..." I start laughing, "…what about it?"  
  
_I know…I'm incredibly impatient._  
  
He starts laughing as he looks down and then back up at me, "Well…you wanna go? With me?" He shakes his head and says without laughing, "I mean…Lana would you like to go the dance with me Friday?"  
  
Even though I knew he was going to ask, I'm still surprised. I'm still excited. I look at him seriously, and reply "I would love to."   
  
His face breaks into a huge smile, "Really?" He asks like a little kid.  
  
I laugh and smile as I reply, "Yes really."  
  
He looks down as he nods his head slightly, "Great…" He looks back at me, "…well then it's a date."  
  
_I love the way those words sound; "a date with __Clark__."_  
  
"I guess it is." I reply, trying not to sound as excited as I am. Clark looks at me for a moment, he looks just as excited as I feel.  
  
_I can't believe this. I used to dream about conversations like this, and now they're actually happening._   
  
Finally Clark returns to his magazine, and I watch him for a moment before turning back to my position of contemplation. My smile fades away slowly as I think back again to Cat.  
  
_Why does it have to be like this? HOW can it be like this. How can everything be so perfect, and at the same time so not perfect?_  
  
I shake my head, as if to shake away the thoughts.   
  
_I'm going to do something about this. I'm going to clear things up with Cat. I have to. But first I'm going to go to this dance with __Clark__. I'm going to have a great night with __Clark__.  
  
I'm going on a date with __Clark__Kent__._  
  
And once again, my smile quickly comes back.


	11. Chapter eleven

"So everyone is going to meet at my house around 6..." Stacy says enthusiastically.  
  
_Another thing that has changed is now all of his friends accept me. They talk to me and even more unbelievable, they actually…like me._   
  
"Oh…ok." I reply hesitantly as I close my locker.  
  
_I'm still a little uncomfortable about the whole thing…I mean it's pretty surreal having the life you always dreamed about._  
  
We both start walking to our mutual class. What I find funny is that we've had psychology together the whole year but never talked before. I guess she just never noticed I was in the class.   
  
"You and Clark…" She shakes her head a little, "…you guys are such a cute couple." Stacy holds her notebook in front of her chest and looks up as if for emphasis.  
  
"Stacy…" I start laughing "…we're not dating."  
  
_As much as it pains me to admit it…_  
  
Stacy abruptly stops and looks at me unsatisfied. "Well why the hell not? I mean you guys hang out like 24/7 and the guy's obviously all about you."  
  
_It's so strange to hear something you've been thinking about…like out loud…by someone else. It's as if your thoughts suddenly become the truth._  
  
I only look at her, I don't know what to say, but I don't have to say anything because she starts talking. "Believe me Clark Kent doesn't spend his time with just anyone." She pauses and looks down for a second as she laughs, "Actually…he's never spent his time with anyone. You're the first girl we've actually seen him show interest in. I mean there was Chloe…but that was really just her being obsessed, and I don't think they ever even hooked up." She looks at me, "And we both know how pathetic that is" She starts laughing and I do too, but I don't know why. Honestly, I don't know how pathetic that is.   
  
As we continue to walk to class, Stacy's moved on to talk about her boyfriend, Whitney, who of course plays football too. She's seriously talking to me about how the pill makes her feel fat, but Whitney refuses to wear a condom. These conversations are extremely awkward for me, so I just nod my head and interject a lot of "Oh's" and "really's".   
  
_I think one of the most difficult things to do when talking to someone is to pretend you know what they're talking about, when you have absolutely no clue. When you have to pretend to relate to something you know nothing about._  
  
As we enter the classroom, Stacy follows me over to what has become our "regular" seats. As she takes the seat in front of mine, she continues to talk, but I revert back to what she was saying earlier. And for the first time all week, I can not wait for the dance. Surprisingly I've been good about it. I didn't let it take me over. But like the drop of a hat, my excitement is becoming overwhelming.   
  
And of course since I've had this shift in my mood, time suddenly seems to crawl by.  
  
_This is definitely going to be a long day…_  
  
  
* * * * *  
  
I adjust the top of my dress for the one hundredth time, and finally throw my hands at my sides. I tilt my head to the side slightly, and for once in my life, am amazed at what I see in the mirror.  
  
_Wow, I actually look…good. Dare I even say, hot?_  
  
The dance isn't supposed to be too dressy, but it's not supposed to be casual either. And of course, instead of helping me, that description only made it more confusing. But thankfully, Stacy and some of the other girls took me shopping with them, and helped me pick something out. They decided a simple, black, halter dress would be perfect for me. Since I have virtually no fashion sense, I just agreed with them. But when I came out of the dressing room, I was nervous. I had never worn something so…so sexy. Different from my usual loose and somewhat frumpy attire, the dress hugged my tiny body perfectly. As Stacy said while adjusting my dress, "Lana you look so f**king hot! Seriously this dress is killer on you."  
  
_Yeah…Stacy's a very…um…open person. She never holds back, and although it frightened me slightly at first…I've come to realize that it's actually kind of refreshing._  
  
At the time, I just stood there awkwardly, feeling self conscience. But it's only now, as I stare at my own reflection, I realize she's right. This dress looks amazing. I look amazing.  
  
_It's so weird how clothes can actually change the way you feel. How this dress has totally done a 360 on my attitude towards myself._  
  
"That Clark Kent is one lucky guy…" I turn to see Nell leaning in my doorway. I go back to fidgeting with the sides of the dress. "I don't know…" I walk over to my dresser mirror, and unnecessarily play with my messy/spiky bun. "…I think it's too much." Nell comes behind me and places her hands on my shoulders.  
"Lana, it's perfect. You look beautiful…And I know if you're mother were here she'd say the same…only she'd say it better." I stop and turn to look at her. I suddenly hug her, something we don't do often.  
  
"Thank you Nell." I whisper, as I feel tears surfacing.  
  
_Sometimes someone can just say something and it just hits you, without a reason why_.  
  
As we pull away she slightly brushes my hair with her hand, "I want you to have fun tonight. Enjoy it." She rests her hand on my cheek. "Enjoy being beautiful." I feel a tear slowly roll down my cheek and I don't even know where it came from. Suddenly the doorbell rings.  
  
"I'll get that." Nell says, "You should always make him wait." She laughs, and I do too, but at the same time I look at her appreciatively. She looks at me proudly, one more time, and then leaves. As I turn back to my mirror and wipe away the remains of those few tears I can hear their muffled voices. I straighten my dress one more time, adjust my hair, and give myself one last look.  
  
_Let's do this…_

I inhale deeply as I finally turn from my reflection and make my way to the stairs. I can hear him making awkward small talk with Nell.  
  
_Heh…poor guy._  
  
With my light coat draped over my arm, and tiny purse in my hand, I slowly descend down the stairs.   
  
_Although my speed appears to be for dramatic affect…it's really to prevent myself from falling. Contrary to what I believed, walking in heels could be one of the hardest things to do._  
  
As I walk down them I don't look at him at all, my eyes focusing downwards instead. Finally as I walk down the last few steps, I turn to face him. I work my way up from his feet to his face. As my eyes almost reach there destination, I take in how sexy he looks…and I haven't even seen his face yet. He's wearing tan pants, and a slightly tucked in white button down shirt; the top few buttons undone, slightly exposing his tanned chest. And he's without a tie or jacket.  
  
_He's perfect._  
  
I finally reach his face, and my heart skips a beat at how gorgeous he looks. His hair is still slightly wet, and it's perfectly messy. And as I focus on his eyes, I see them intensely looking into mine.   
  
A quiet "Wow…" slips from his lips, and I feel my cheeks blush.  
  
"You don't look so bad yourself." I say coolly.  
  
_Where has this confidence come from?_  
  
I look down at the plastic container in his hands ask in an almost flirtatious tone, "Is that for me?"  
  
"Oh…" He quickly looks down and back at me and continues through laughter, "Yes…yes it is." He fumbles to remove the small delicate white rose, and I see it's a bracelet. He moves towards me and with his eyes, asks for permission to slip it on my wrist. I confidently lift my arm and extend it somewhat as he gently places it around my wrist.  
  
_I suddenly realize that he's nervous and I'm…not. There is not one shaky feeling inside me. I'm comfortable. I'm excited. And he's nervous…I can't believe the tables have turned._  
  
Suddenly Nell comes back with his boutonnière….I didn't even realize she had left. As I take it out, I realize he has no jacket to attach it to.  
  
"Oh…" I say embarrassed and begin to put it back, when his hand stops me. "No…no…my jacket's in the car…" He warmly smiles at me, and keeps his hand on mine. We both become very comfortable; silently staring at each other.  
  
"Ok let me get one picture." Nell's words pull us both from our moment, as we turn and start to laugh. I feel him slip his hand on to my side and my small smile grows as Nell takes the picture.  
  
"Well…" Clark offers me his arm "….shall we?". I slide mine through his and smirk at him while I say, "We shall." I turn to look back at Nell and start to say, "I won't be home –"  
  
"Have a good time." Nell cuts me off and smiles at me. As Clark opens the door I look at her thankfully. We walk out of my house and make our way to his truck. We don't say anything, but instead sneak peeks at the other every now and then. He opens the passenger side door for me and I take a seat as he runs around to the other side. As he gets into the car, and puts the keys in the ignition he stops and looks at me. A smile forms on his face as he softly says, "You know I didn't even say how beautiful you are."  
  
_Is it possible for me to love you…because I think I do._  
  
"Oh…" I search for something to say, "…thank you."   
  
_Yeah…I don't know how to take compliments._  
  
He continues to look at me and then looks at his watch, "You know…since it's already 6:30, you wanna just bag Stacy's and go straight to school?"  
  
_It's already __6:30__? I didn't even know he was late…_  
  
"Yeah sure…if you want to?" I ask and realize I wouldn't mind missing it either.  
  
"Yeah, I mean…who would want to be around all those people when…" He pauses and looks at me seriously, "…when they could have you all to themselves."   
  
_Wow…that was…wow._  
  
I have no clue what to say, so I smile at him. I guess he understands it's my way of agreeing to skip Stacy's, because he puts the car in drive. We begin to pull out of my drive way, when he looks over at me. "Miss Lang…" his adorable face smiles at me, "…are you ready for a night you'll never forget." I begin to laugh and nod at him as I feel my whole body fill with excitement.  
  
_Clark__Kent__…I've been ready for this my whole life._


	12. Chapter twelve

"So Lana…" Stacy leans over the table towards me "…spill. Did you and Clark have a private pre-party?"  
  
_She never quits…_  
  
I laugh and look down, as the rest of the girls lean forward, their interests peaked. So when I look up I see all of them anxiously awaiting my answer.  
  
_Jesus…is my life really that interesting?_  
  
I start laughing in disbelief, "No…no we just came here." I look at all of them still staring at me, unsatisfied. "We did." I say trying to sound convincing. I look over at Stacy, who rolls her eyes and says "Sure."  
  
"You guys!" I say and widen my eyes, trying to sound annoyed.  
  
_Deep down….I love this. I love that they don't believe me._  
  
Stacy looks at me for a moment and then says defeated, "Alright… let's give Lana some space, I mean if she doesn't want to tell us, she doesn't have to." She leans back in her chair and the other girls follow.  
  
_I guess if you haven't picked up on it yet, Stacy is like the leader of the group. She's one of those people that is so alive, and full of energy, that people are just attracted to her. They just want to be around her_.   
  
"Believe me…" I laugh, "…there's nothing to tell." I'm assuming they take my word for it because they all go back to discussing other issues. I lean back in my chair as well, and watch them. Listen to them. I then, from our side table, glance around the gym. Everyone is dancing. Well actually girls are dancing, and most of the guys are on the sides of the gym.  
  
_I don't understand why boys don't dance. Seriously what is so bad about it? The only guys who dance are the brave ones. The class clowns, the out going ones, or the gay ones._   
  
I continue to glance around when I catch his eyes. I see him in a group of guys by the drink section. He's staring at me, and it seems he's been doing so for awhile. I guess I knew it too. You know what I mean, like when you can just feel someone's attention focused on you.   
  
He glances down and laughs slightly; knowing he's been caught. But he quickly looks back at me, a silly crooked smile forming on his face. As we silently communicate with the other, I realize that we've been here for already half of the dance, and haven't even danced yet. When we arrived here, so did Stacy's party. I know, we should've arrived here first, but we just kept talking and talking, that Clark kept driving and driving. It was great. Just going anywhere, no direction or destination, and getting lost in time. So when we finally took the route to the school, we arrived right on time, and of course collided with everyone from Stacy's. The guys naturally grabbed Clark, and did whatever guys do. Meanwhile the girls flocked to me, and of course asked the same line of questioning as before.  
  
_It's so strange how people, who are sometimes strangers, can be so interested in your life. I mean seriously, do they really want to know. Most times when someone asks how are you, they don't even care for the answer, or wait for the answer before they're talking about themselves. I think people sometimes show interest in you, so they can shift the conversation towards themselves._  
  
Anyway, back to the dance. I felt like I was in sixth grade again. Where there was this imaginary line drawn between the girls and boys. For most of the dance, the boys switched their positions from sitting on the top bleacher, to crowding the food and drink table. And then there were us girls, who would sit at this one table for most of the time. Talk about boring. These girls didn't want to dance, they didn't want to mingle. They were content just sitting down. What's the point of going to a dance if you're going to sit around the whole time? I mean I've never been to one before, but this is not what I had in mind.   
  
_What I realized about the most popular girls in school, with the exception of Stacey, is that they're all scared. They're all scared to be themselves, to do what they want. But don't get me wrong. They are nice girls, who are extremely friendly towards me, and I like hanging out with them. I just feel bad for them. I feel bad that they feel they have to fill this mold of a person in order to…I don't know…keep the friends they have. And I wish they would just let it all down, this façade they put up, and be who they are._  
  
So now here I am, at a dance that I would have never had gone to. Surrounded by girls I never imagined I would be talking to. And lastly my eyes locked with a guy, I never thought would even toss a general glance in my direction. And now as he starts walking towards me, his face intense and direct, I realize the irony of the moment. The irony of my life now. It is a complete opposite of what it once was. And I'm happy. For once in my life, I am truly happy. And I only feel myself becoming happier, with every step he takes.   
  
But suddenly, I feel my stomach drop, and I literally feel weak. My hands are shaking. I don't know why. I mean I haven't felt like this since before. Before everything that happened. I haven't once been nervous around him since that day. And now all of a sudden I don't even know if I'll be able to speak. It's just his face, it's not the usual goofy, friendly Clark Kent. No…his face and body is now…intense. It's full of passion and it seems to have a goal. And as he almost reaches me, I know mine is the same. Everything around me is a blur, except the song "Crash Into Me" and him.   
  
We don't even speak as he offers me his hand, and when we reach the middle of the dance floor we still don't say anything. There's no need for words, because we both already know. We know this is where we wanted to be the whole night. This is where we've wanted to be the whole time, not just tonight. I wrap my arms around his neck, as I place my chin in the crook of his shoulder and neck. I feel him tighten his grip around my waist, his head resting on my bare shoulder. The feeling of his warm skin, sends chills throughout my body. We suddenly begin to pull away slightly, so our cheeks are touching. Instinctively, I move my hand to his neck, and gently run my hands through the hair at the bottom of it. Realizing it's ok to roam, he moves one hand slightly down so it rests on the small of my back. I feel him starting to pull away and I know what's coming. I know it's only a matter of seconds. His face leaves mine, and I feel my cheek becoming cool from being exposed to the air. But it's not for long, as he places his hand on my face. He softly caresses my cheek and neck, and I close my eyes, in anticipation.

_I've only been kissed one other time. It was in seventh grade, at Jack Thomas's birthday party. His name was Brian, but I guess it doesn't really count since the bottle was pointing at me.  
  
So this would technically be my first kiss…and strangely, I'm not nervous at all._  
  
I begin to lean forward when his voice stops me. "Hey…I want to talk to you about something."  
  
_You wanna talk?_  
  
I quickly open my eyes, and see him looking affectionately at me.  
  
_Ok…now I'm confused._  
  
It takes me a minute to snap out of my direction of passion, but finally I focus on conversation. "Ok…" I look at him, still slightly confused. He moves his hand up and brushes some of my loose hairs behind my ear, and tucks his hand behind it. "Lana…I…I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me." I feel my face form a surprised smile, but I reply, "You mean a lot to me too." He moves his hand to join his other one around my waist again, and continues, "It's just when I'm with you…it's like I don't know…I can be me…or something." Seeing he wants to continue, but doesn't know if he should, I nod at him, so he begins again, "There's just…something…about you…That I've always wanted to be around. I've always wanted to be around….you. And I guess I've always felt it."  
  
_Wait what…_  
  
I look at him confused, and he continues, "Lana…I…I've watched you since we were little kids. I've watched you for the past two years. And all this time, I've always wondered what you were like, because you were different from everyone else." He sees my face fall, and quickly interjects, "No…no it's not a bad thing. I saw something...better in you. I can't explain it…I guess the best I can do is I saw goodness in you. I saw love and care. And…." He stops and closes his eyes, "…I wanted to be apart of it. Apart your life. I wanted and WANT to be apart of…" He opens his eyes and looks deeply at me, "you."  
  
_Oh no…not those tears again…_  
  
"Clark…" Is all I can manage as I feel my voice cracking. He moves his hand up to cup my face again, "And now that I get to share my secret with a person like you…it's almost too perfect. Everyday is better then the last because you're becoming more and more apart of my life. Everyday you become more and more important to me. Everyday I feel myself falling more and more in love with you." He pauses for a moment and I'm speechless. I'm paralyzed. I have to keep blinking to make sure I'm not dreaming. I have to keep breathing to make sure I'm still alive.  
  
"And everyday I thank God for sending me someone like you. Someone who's not only changed my life but…who's made it amazing. Lana the day I told you everything…is the day I came to life"  
  
His eyes are sincere and yet so passionate all at once. He moves his other hand to rest on my other cheek. I feel him wipe away a tear that I didn't even know was there. He takes a step forward, and places his face inches from mine and for once I don't have a thought in my head. I'm not thinking, I'm acting. I move my hand to sit on the side of his neck, and bravely place my lips on his. I slowly pull away and look at him. He has his eyes closed and he rests his forehead on mine. This time he makes the first move, as his lips surround my top one. Our mouths mold together and I never knew this expression to be true, but our lips actually dance. It's the most strange, but best feeling I've ever had. The way his lips form to mine. Suddenly he slips his tongue into my mouth. I'm not sure what to do, but my tongue does, as it starts to softly play with his. I tighten my grip around his neck, as I realize that everything I've always wished for is happening.   
  
He pulls away from me and with his thumb, brushes away another tear from below my eye.  
  
_Again! I'm like a faucet over here._  
  
His face forms a small smile as he moves his hands to wrap around my lower body again and pulls me closer to him. He moves his head to rest on my shoulder again, but this time it's different. This time he's holding on to me. His body leaned over, hugging on to me. His grip is firm, and strong, as we barely move to the music. I close my eyes, and try to take a picture of this moment in my mind. As if it were possible, I wrap my arms around his neck more. I tightly hold onto this moment. Savoring it, not wanting to lose it.  
  
I open my eyes, for a brief moment, and by chance, get a glimpse of something over his shoulder. I see Cat. She's sitting with three other girls, and she looks like she's happy. She's laughing, and excited. And as I watch her sit among these other girls, I realize she's moved on. She's living her life again. She's not caring about me anymore. She's let go. And now I realize that I have too.   
  
_Maybe I wasn't supposed to make things right with her, but actually choose. Not between her and a guy. But choose which path I wanted to go on. Take the safe route, where she was my best friend, and continue the life I knew. Or take the other path. The unknown one, and slightly scary one. The one where I would make sacrifices, and face challenges. The one where I would grow.   
  
Maybe some of you will disagree with this choice I made. Some of you might call me selfish, and mean. Some of you won't understand why I find justice in the decision I've made. _  
  
Cat looks out to the dance floor and catches my eyes. The girls around her continue to talk, as she stares at me, her face indifferent.  
  
_And who knows, maybe you're right._  
  
Suddenly her eyes soften, and a small smile appears on her face. She gives me a look, which says everything. I understand everything in that look. Although we're not like we were before, and we've grown apart, it's ok. One day maybe we'll go back to the friends we once were. Or we might not. But either way we're going to be ok.   
  
She continues to slightly smile at me, until one of her friends says something to her, causing her to look over at them. I watch her come back to their conversation, and her face break into laughter. I watch her live a new life, in which she is happy in. I watch her and realize she is ok, she is happy.  
  
And as I feel Clark move his hand to gently caress my back, I realize that I'm ok. I'm happy. I'm living a life in which every day is going to be different. Everyday is going to be new.  
  
And I can't wait to see what happens next. 


End file.
